im suffering...u drive me insane....( 5 April 2008 | 2.54 PM)

tis is da biggest hardship for me...

a thing...

which i cant and duno how to tell...

so...i wont tell -_-

im reli suffer...

i dun mind u giv me delay response...

i dun mind u hurt me dat much...

bcoz i uds u...

i know u well..

and of coz...

is bcoz i luv u >.<

but im very mind when u dun get my "msg"...

and keep twisting my meaning which is da fact...

i explain..

almost everyday..

everytime when u came on9....

den u behave like tis..

and i hav to explain..and explain...

until now..i reli duno wat to say..

u ask me dun explain den..

but is hard for me...

i dun allow u to misuds me...

others can..but not u...

i wont dump u anymore...

i know is hard for u to trust...

but u got no choice, u hav to trust me...

bcoz "dat time" is da last time...

no more...i wont do dat again...

i swear...i promise...anything...

dat i wont dump u anymore...

bcoz i know wat i wan...

i wont be "lost" anymore...

dat one is da first time, and da last time too...

trust me like u did formerly....

and yea, i am untrustworthy...

but when i keep repeating thing like tis...

den is true...

i hate it...

when u keep saying "sory" and "thanks" to me...

u know dat...

u know wat i wan is not these...

ur sorry make me feel more blue...

bcoz u oso agree wit it...

datz y u appologize...

is indirectly hurting me though..

i know...tis is quite unreasonable...

but i juz cant control my mind...

sorry to say dat...

ur thanks and appreciate...

i duno how to tell u...

is like only outsiders will say dat they "appreciate" or "thanks"...

juz like wat jean did...

she like to say she appreciate it...

bcoz im not important to her...

juz normal fren...

super normal type...

but u r not...

u r my everything...

u cant say dat to me...

is juz like...

when u do smth for ur family member...

she like it so much...

but she wont tell u dat she appreciate for ur gud..

do u uds?is quite complicated...-_-

i am ur nong sao+best fren...

when u say like dat..

it makes me feel like...

u din consider me as ur close fren+nong sao...

so...am i still ur nong sao??

delay response...

i dun mind...

but i very mind when u din reli read my msg properly...

and juz simply reply me..

like wat others did to me...

they can..but not u...

and juz spend not even enuff 10 seconds in my convo...

juz a emoticons appeared...

and few words...

u din show me or let me hear u..

its ok..

i dun mind...

but dun say dat i din request for it...

i requested...

but i duno u c wat i typed anot...

bcoz u were like no respond...

and i get da answer...

so i din request again...

mayb ull ask me, y dun i keep requesting like jean did?

bcoz datz like forcing...

i tink dat if u reli wanna show or let me listen,

da first time when i request,

u might already say ok...

when u din say anything..

means u r inconvenience or using wit others or dun wan to show...

i dun wanna force u to show...

tis is like indirectly torturing u...

asking u to do smth which u dun wish to do....

i din request...dun mean dat i dun wan...

u shud know...

i wan it so much...until can die for it...

but if i say like tis to u...

is like forcing or blackmailing...

I DUN WAN!

im tinking...

when only u can uds me...

when only u can trust every word dat i say...

last nite...

u knew im strange...

u knew dat im upset...

im blue...

but y......

no..

mayb u duno and din realize all dat...

until i said i wanna go...

do u know y am i chatting wit heit?

i dun wanna look at ur convo like dat...

chatting wit her is helping me to distract...

datz y i say..

she is a best fren for me...

do u know wat kind of song im listening to?

sad songs..yea...y?bcoz im sad...

common sense...

and ur decision...

of wat?

after these...

i tink u know...

i know...i know it cant be compare...

lover and pee nong...

but u told me...

dat day..

u said it wasn't...

it is still like formerly...

u still treat her like formerly...

when i said tis to u...

u juz send me tis emo

:P ........

and i already knew da answer....

but...one thing is...

im trying to control..

trying to not be sensetive..

alto is hard for me...

ill try...

and u know wat...

u r my everything..

my one and only...

da one i care da most...

u r irreplaceable...

i cant live without u...

do u know?

ya ting chan....

u wont leave me...

u wont dump me...

u said tis...

yea...physically wont leave...

mentally leave...

im in fear...

everyday...everynite...

when u din on9...

my mind start to be negative...

crazy me...

i shud go to mental hospital earlier...-_-

if not later bcome more serious....

and when i said im jealous...

i do...

dun say dat i dun...

dun say dat im faking it...

bcoz...

there r...

NO SUCH THING!!

i dun like to faking anything...

im stupid enuff...

do anything according to wat i feel and tink...

so..................

im wondering...

y others can get anything from u so easily but not me??

respecting ur decision is my fault??

my fault den....