sighhh...wat i did wrongly lar??

sighhh...
duno wat da hell is wrong wit her...
cum and say dat i am fake...
alto she didnt say it directly...
but she said it indirectly...
said dat i never admit my faults,
and throw all faults to others...
and keep blaming others...
T____T i reli didnt...
haizzzz...
she said when i said i am stupid reli stupid to be used by others,
is scolding and blaming others who used me...
i duno how can she tink on her own...
but i reli never tink like dat T____T
if i reli do...
i dun nid to cry until da eyes swell when being use...
haizzzz...
juz bcoz of those lil things....
when i said i am stupid....

somemore said wat i wrote in my blog...
is scolding others indirectly...
haizzz...
tis is y i move my blog from msn to blogger...
so she wont read...
how innocent T_______T

keep saying dat she knew me for so long..
and know i wont be dat gud lar...
-____-
(not reli know me...a year only..)
and say dat when i say i am bad...
is not sincere and is fake...
juz to show others dat i am sincere...
omgggg T____T so hurt when she said dat...
haizzzz...
wat?
she said she knew me for so long..
she know i wont admit dat i am bad tis and dat..
T_____T wat she know bout me lar....
duno den keep telling nonsense and slander me...
haizzzz...
how pity of me....
i reli felt guilty when i said it...
i reli felt i am bad when i said it...
i reli...
reli...
do....
i reli do for all those thing....

if not den misuds wit my meanings...
i said "me again"
den she tink dat i blaming dat she bring out everything to talk bout...
actually im blaming dat me who cause da arguments again...
i juz duno wat to say when u say all those...
so i said dat...
-__- who knows...
got misuds...
when i explain somemore keep insist dat i wont feel guilty...
and wont tink dat i am wrong -___-
goshhhh...
haizzzz....
haizzzzzz.....
i swear lar T____T
anything lar...
i know i am untrustworthy lar...
den u tink until da day i die dat how am i lar...
use ur imagination...
and create me...
an evil one...

she juz keep tinking on her own dat how am i...
lazy to explain oso...
explain adi she will still fight bak...

im reli sorry.... (13 September 2008)

im here to say sorry...

juz realize dat i am a burden for all of u...

of coz not my reality fren...

for them..i am useful...

but my msn buddies...

which i always complain non stop to them...

from beggining until ending...

is reli...never ends....

i knew im annoying,irritating....and alot...dat keep complaining without let others to talk....

i knew tis for ages actually...

but when u tell me...

juz waking me up from my "dream"...

dream dat about they willing to be my listener...

as a conclusion...

there r no one willing to be my listener...

juz to entertain me...

and dun bear to reject me...

reli sorry for dat...

and im oso sorry for being selfish...

keep talking bout mine without giving u a chance to talk bout urs...

is not like wat u said dat im not interested or ur story isnt interesting...

juz dat....

u didnt start ur topic...

so i tink on my own (again) dat there r no topic...

so i keep on telling and telling...

but duno dat actually u dun wanna listen at all...

i dun wanna continue it since u said u wanna bath...

dun wan to pull u anymore....

im juz torturing u...

and oso wasting ur time....

me...tis kind of ppl...shudnt be living in tis earth...

juz wasting da sources of d earth...

wasting da money of my parents.....

wasting da space...

wasting everything...

weeeeeeeeeeee shud go to suicide....

im reli useless...

and being a burden for everyone...

troubling and torturing everyone....

how sinful i am....

listening to "sad thing" and "make up" (1st shop of coffee prince OST)

"nam taa" keeps flowing non stop....

luckily~~~no one wasnt there...

thank you dat my grandma stayed overnite at her son's house...

im still sorry.......

for wat i did.....

weeee!!! thanks dadi ^^( 12 September 2008 | 9.27 PM)

weeeeee bought my w910i luuuu...^^

of coz...

wanna thanks to my papa lar....

hehehehe...

actually wanna buy w610i...

duno wat happen to him...

so nice on dat day...

aiii haven specify da date...

9/9/2008...

nice number....XD

using tis font color...

dat means my w910i is oso tis color...

havana bronze...

wahahahaha...-_-

ok..lots of craps...

but still pain in my heart lar...

RM855 T_______T

reli expensive...

for me..

hahahhahaa...

is reli waste lar...

but i reli luv my w910i lar....

hahahahhaa...

hmmmm after get my phone oso din say "thank you" to dadi oso...

felt awkward to tell lar...

aiiiii...

but i can tell her ^^

thank you dat comes from da heart..

hoho..

thank you lar dadi!!!!

wahahahahhaa...

thank you gohonzon???

thank you mami...

thank you everyone dat related...XD

my life was sucks!!! ( 13 August 2008 | 10:46 PM)

wat again??

too stupid??

or brainless??

wat u tink u r??

care for everyone but not urself??

great enuff??

no!!

u will juz get a word "stupid"

everyone is like dat...

everyone...

u dun belive me??

juz bcoz u r "love blind"

if u dun belive me and wanna belive her datz ur business..

but pls dun push all da faults and put all the blame on me...

i am not dat great to carry everything...

u can choose to not belive me...

bcoz is ur own decision...

i cant stop u from dat...

but pls dun juz bcoz of ur blindness and sentenced me wit dat...

while i did nth wrong!!

i can repeat now and again dat i NEVER NEVER NEVER DID DAT!!!

dun make ur own decision by tinking i wanna be fren wit her again....

while she hate me so much..

means im da one who did it...

at least im honest to myself and i know dat i wont and will never do dat!

where is everyone's heart??

flew away??

and even alil oso not wit me???

and juz bcoz of u...

ur trustfulness on me...

made me turn green...

became insane..

went to scold both sf and jing...

wat somemore??

and finally argued...

nice!!!

and i get to know dat im being fool all the time...

when i juz wanna find a listener wat she tell me??

"enuff...dun find us to express ur furious"

and i c it clearly wit my eyes dat how my fren treat me all the time....

well...

cant blame anyone...

juz can know dat....

my life is so FUK UP!!

SUCKS LIKE HELL!!

until no one will hav these!!!

im lucky enuff!!!

gud...

gud....

everyone c me like tis...

untrustworthy...

scolding ppl everywhere...

when u hav prob,

did i said smth like tis to u??

and kick u off wit smth like dat??

never!!!

how nice...

reli too nice...

i giv up...

and i swear!!

i will never repeat theseeeeeee anymore!!!

fuk it!

sacrifices??? ( 22 July 2008 | 8:36 PM)

u might tink dat...

telling u is showing off...

but for me...

it isnt...

even dun tell...

i still can live...

bcoz wat i did is wat i wanted to...

and datz my will...

is not like doing it purposely to let u know it...

there are still lots of thing behind...

which u didnt know...

well...

repeating doesnt mean dat showing off...

juz wan u to care for me...

or pity me...

things dat i wan since i was born...

"care"

even fake one ill still be happy...

one word to describe...

"silly"

i wont say dat i sacrifice alot??

but at least...

i do...

even a lil...

still name as sacrifice...

juz bcoz we arent reality peenong...

datz da reason u din c it from me??

ppl who saw me in reality...

ppl who r staying wit me...

know everything dat i did...

even i never tell??

but da one i do for...

not going to feel it...

even alil...

1 word to describe d above passage...

"CRAPS"

any sacrifices are sincere....

which is from anyone...

datz y it name as sacrifice??

without expecting anything???

2 diff position...

who am i for u??

observe from:

outside: net fren

inside: reality fren

who r u for me??

observe from:

outside:net fren

inside: ........ anything???which involves luv...

conclusion...

still a net fren...

alto in our heart it isnt...

how bout her??

for u?

u for her??

conclusion???

try to tink bak...

wat u did??

wat i did???

wat she did???

is all...

sacrifices...

juz like wat u said...

things dat canot be compare...

bcoz of diff position...

diff relation...

didnt say dat i wanna compare...

whose are more...

but at least...

for me..

myself...

i know dat...

dat sacrifices...

are sincere...

from my heart...

and datz da thing ill do naturally...

dun nid to do it on purpose...

or act it...

and for me...

a net fren...

mayb like wat u said,

is not dat much...

but it is out of my limitation...

bcoz i knew...

i wont do tis to anyone in my entire life...

even my beloved bro...

but for parents...

of coz i will...

wat i did for my close+best frens...

is juz 20% ,

compare wit wat i did for u...

the end...

最后一天 (28 June 2008 | 12.21 AM)

最后一天了，

想不到那么快就到了今天，

还以为可以多呆一阵子，

我不停的告诉她我会想她的，

看样子她是不信我的，

买了 Fererro Rocher 来孝敬她。。。

一开始，

很用心的在听和做，

可是不知道为什么，

今天特别多话说，

一边讲，一边写，

她也在写着我的 Notes，

看着她很专心的在替我写，

就觉得。。。

不知道怎样 describe,

很亲切？

大概吧。。。

可是我还不停的讲，

大概是知道今天是我的最后一天吧？

所以要说个够，

真的很不舍得，

一直想要重复那句话，“我会想念你的”

可是，听多了应该会很烦吧？

我不停地望着时钟，

不想它到10.30 ，

终于我的功课做完了，

她便开始解释她写给我的“遗书“

看看时钟。。。

已经是10点了

感觉很不舍得。。。

她就不停地在解释，

我就不停的在想。。。

有时她会停下来，

看着我，

我就告诉她我正在“消化中”

-_- 根本都听不进去，

看到时间已经很伤心的，

不过因为是最后一次，

所以我尽量的吸收她所教的。。。

我在学 chapter 7，

她就讲到去 Form5 的，

很像在交代生后事似的 -_-

不出乎我意料的，

已经是10.25 了

她也教完了，

安静的。。。

我们坐在那儿。。。

我不想收拾。。。

不想回家。。。

最好是她不用去新加坡。。。

窗外，爸爸的车到了，

还是不想收拾，

她叫我乖，赶快收拾。。。

结果还是要走。。。

已经拖了很久。。。

不过我知道，

要走的，始终要走。。。

我慢慢的走出家门口，

慢慢的穿鞋，

慢慢的走。。。

今天她送我到大门口，

看着她，

不想上车。。。

还在讲，

讲到上了车，

关了门，

她向我挥手。。。

让我感到依依不舍。。。

真的很不舍得。。。

看着我爸爸，

然后大声的说 ：“你酱早来做什么？？我还没讲完！“

然后他说：“酱喜欢她就叫你哥哥把她娶回来，那时你可以天天见到她”

“你也知道哥哥喜欢那些小巧玲珑的”

“世上没有绝对的东西”

静了一回儿。。。

Radio竟然在这是后播 sad 歌，

真是给它气死。。。

不知道为什么，

那眼泪，

在我的眼眶里，

快要流出来了，

在忍着。。。

虽然相处的时间不久，

才一个月多，

而且是一个星期见一次，

她忙的时候连那么的一次也见不到。。。

可是那么短的日子已足以让我这样了。。。

不是伤心。。。

那感觉。。。

不知道是什么感觉。。。

舍不得的感觉。。。

不知道什么时候才能再见。。。

一直希望她不会去新加坡做工。。。

到了这里，

我想我也讲不下去了。。。

你说我是因为 account 才想你，

可是我想告诉你，

绝对没有那样的事，

我真的不是因为 account 才不舍得的。。。

是因为你的好。。。

真的。。。太好了。。。

不收补习费，

一直问她要多少，

她就说只要我的成绩。。。

默默的教导我。。。

把我从 40% 教到 60%,

还是全班最高分的一个。。。

她也指定要我拿到 at least B,

不然就不要教我了。。。

给了我很大的压力。。。

很努力的背 Format。。。

终于拿到了，

当我看到刚刚好 B 的时候，

高兴得跳了起来，

不是因为成绩而高兴，

而是因为她。。。

SMS 告诉她我的成绩，

她急忙的打给我，

问长问短，

然后笑得下巴和牙齿就快脱了。。。

虽然她只是用了短短的几天时间来教我。。。

我也拿到 B。。。

幸运？？

不是因为我聪明，

是因为她的耐心。。。

让我想要做好我的本分。。。

不想辜负她。。。

她，

是个很有耐心的老师。。。

同一个题目，

做错了几万次，

她怨也没怨的帮我改正。。。

不但没有责备我，

还帮我擦掉，匆算了，再写下去。。。

就算是十万次，

我想她还是会这样做的。。。

真让人感动。。。

她还很贴心 ^^

看到我两手都在忙，

右手握铅笔，

左手握 calculator,

知道我要画线了，

就帮我握着那把死人尺 -_-

我就很随手的顺着尺画线。。。

每当想起那个 scene 的时候都觉得很 sweet XD

因为不曾有人这样对我做过。。。

她还很搞笑。。。

有时还会语无伦次。。。

那么可爱的老师不知道要去那里找。。。

她是我永远无法忘记的一位贴心老师 ^^

爱死她。。。

is there reli no one will appreciate me ???? ( 17 June 2008 | 12.43 AM)

i might not be perfect..

might not be da best...

yea...i admit im unfilial,sensitive,harmful,evil and bad...

but at least...

i knew myself...

im honest to myself...

and yea...

i see my friend important than anyone...

diff person diff personality...

but most of them only care their lover,

so is that better than me?

who only care her friends??

i dont wish to be an unfilial daughter too..

who wish to be??

but i am like tis...

i am wat i am..

i am who i am...

i juz cant change it...

so that means im not nice??

is dat wat u mean??
hmmm??

yea...and finally i realize dat..

im wasting lots of time on my frens...

treating them nice...

care them so much...

but no one..

no one dat appreciate it...

if wanna tell...

i can said dat..

i treat all of u better than myself...

im willing to pay for ur meal,

while i eat nth,

juz drinking...

so u wanna call tis as stupid?

or not nice?

i tink stupid is more suit..

yea better than treating myself...

especially u...

U!u shud know...

i luv u more than myself...

care u more than myself...

treat u alot better than myself...

i rather to carry it alone,

oso dun wan to trouble u...

i duno anything...

reli duno anything...

until u told me dat "im not dat nice"

and i was tinking...

wat i did wrongly again??

is dat my fault to treat others nice??

or reli no one appreciate it??

or maybe i shud say...

they can only see the "nice" on the one they care and love...

me...

for them...

is juz a useful tool...

is dat fair??

y would i still so stupid...

if i knew no one will appreciate it...

i wanted to be evil...

but juz cant..

im trying to be cruel...

but my heart dun allow me to do so...

i wish to kick anyone who hurted me or treat me bad away...

but i cant...

someone might ask me..Y?

and i can tell u dat...

is natural...i duno too...

everyone is like dat...

they can only see the nice and good...

on the one they like...

teachers,frens,parents...

everyone are like tis...

i tink u can observe dat too...

u didnt see it on me..

dun mean dat im not nice...

mayb im reli not dat nice...

i duno too...

but i care sure dat...

i treat u...

is da best...

giv u everything...

i giv u all of me...

ready to sacrifice...

rather to torture myself...

and ruining my health...

but...

no one will appreciate it..

anyway...

ill still continue my concept...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and her replies:

(July 10 3:02 PM)

I appreciate for all the things that you did for me..Romanized many lyrics and wait for me when you're free, send me some songs and be my DJ for some moment.. I never forget anything. I treasure all the things we had together since the time that we met each other, we laughed and had a happy moment together, that's why I treat you so nice until almost equal my lover, even we're just net peenong, net friends but the way I treat you, the way I feel to you,is still the same. Everytime that I tried to online and chat with you and she came, I always argued with her and my mum always saw since she kept looking at Jean on the webcam or in reality, mum keeps asking me that "Why would u like to argue with Jean which is so nice to you, come to meet you, she uses almost all the salary to come and meet you every week until now she became poor already, and you always argue with her just because of a net friend? Why don't you try to think that who is nicer to you? And love you more? Care you more? and true to you more? She gives you everything that she can afford until she's like this, no left that much of money already, but still will give you anything as long as you are happy, she's willing to support you all the way,bring you everywhere you want to, I can feel that she's sincere person, from her eyes,she's not the kind that wants to get advantage from anyone but when she cares of something, she seems like care too much, but its also nice to you, right? i still appreciate it but you don't? With Joey, you can go and chat with her anytime which is the time that Jean isn't with you, daytime? Why must at the same time? Is it worth to argue with her? Choose the one that is more worth, I'm unhappy everytime that you guys argue ...!@^!%$#^%$@#"

My mum always said the same thing and always blame on me if why must I chat with you until that much? Not only my mum, Jean also asked, but I only could give the same same same answer that it's because I feel that we are close friends,we always talked like this everyday, much like this, before I know Jean also did, why do I need to change? Now is less enough until don't know what should I bring up to compare for this LESS but you know, they don't believe that we didn't chat much hahaha! They both think that shouldn't bring you and jean up to compare, since Jean is my reality friend and did many things, well this one I know but why do i need to change lol If I can chat with you, I always tried cause I want all the things to be the same, not changed. After that moment that we didn't chat much coz it was the first time that she came, I still remember well that she rented the internet for me, which is expensive and didnt interrupt between us, she let me talk with you there as I wish, as long as I want, although she said she'll let me chat with you only 1 hour but when in the reality, she didn't bear to limit me and she wanted to lay on the bed coz she doesn't wanna disturb but I asked her to be there since I think I don't have any secret with her that much until can't let her see the convo and I felt guilty to kick her away at chat with you in the moment that she came to meet me, so I let her sit along. After chat for awhile, I could feel that you're changed, all the speech, all the words, were sarcastic and cold..No matter how long I tried to persuade you but you still were the same, kept on asking me to go or sometimes too quiet, only reply when I ask, it made me feel like you were changed and I also didn't know what to do, I admit that at that moment, I was too disappointed and didn't wanna continue anymore, since chat also like didn't chat, somemore get the cold feeling back, what for I chat? So I went to lay down on the sofa and think back, until fall asleep, she still asked me if don't wanna chat already? I said ''no''. After that,I didn't so struggle to come online that much cuz I know, after I came, the same same thing will come again. Many days passed by, I came online and pretended to be the same and you told me that you dont seem to be important anymore, I can live without you, no matter how many days and all the things, I just gave you stupid excuse that the laptop had no battery and anything, but the truth is I was fed up with all the cold convo, I dont know what to do. Afterwards, I got bk home with her,no matter how many times I came online,still the same, cold cold and cold + sarcastic until I felt like I wanted to take some rest for all these things, maybe its not worth for me to come and argue with her..but after that, I still tried to come and you also tried to chase me away, your words, your speech were all blunt but I still tried to get your normal condition back but I failed lol Everytime you were like that to me, I was hurted , not less than you, just I didn't say it out and pretend to be nothing happened. All the time, I just wish to be like before but it seems to be hard to get it back, even nowadays, you're still cold to me, maybe you don't know it but I always feel it, I still try to be normal and talk to you, your dinner? your fav instrument? all the things but they all seemed like .. not the same anymore. That's why I felt tired with it, I might be trying alone and almost give up with all the stiff conversation that we always have, I knew that I let you wait, I always alerted and went to see your window convo for sometimes.. but let you wait or not wait, it's also the same, when I chat,the result was still the same, so many just let it be is the best solution. Everything that I typed here, maybe most of all, I never spoke them out because I'm not the kind that like to speak out all of the feelings in my mind like you always do but I also wanna tell you that I always have feeling, which isn't better than you at all, maybe worse. If I don't love, don't miss, I wouldn't keep of you, everytime thinks of MSN, the first person that I think of is you, even not online, I still think of you but I dont like to be rotten, keeps on saying that I think of you so often, and it sounds like unbelievable to you, maybe? lol Cause I know that I'm untrustworthy to you, too. I know what you think of me, in which way, and don't know is it luck of mine to know or unluck? Anyway, I can't forget all those wounds from what you spoke behind me and if it's my normal friends, even in reality, I already tried to stay away and marked on their faces that they're fake, but I still be the same to you, but maybe sometimes, what you said, which is quite..unbelievable and which I think you won't think until that or too exaggerated, I might not believe because what you did, is opposite to what you said, but maybe it's already long time ago, you might changed to think of me A BIT better than former. No matter what, I can swear, that all the feelings to you, is never changed and although I didn't like to say anything out but I did for today, maybe because I'm tired to be accused that I didn't care or appreciate or anything, I can't stop caring or missing you, all the reasons, maybe because .. you're the person that I love? Or special close friend.. Maybe?

(July 10 3:03 PM)
Oh.. sorry.. Seems like.. my comment is already longer than your post..

(July 10 3:16 PM)
at last, sorry for all the error words that I typed out. I always type a word into another word which doesn't seem like error words lol such as ''maybe'' typed into ''many'' or sometimes even missed a word but I think u can guess since u always could, sorry for messing ur blog up

stupid me...LOL!!! real stupid...( 7 June 2008 | 8.12 PM)

lol...

LOL!!!

i shud know dat u wont cum...

lol is so fun and happy...

who still rmb me??

except me...

dat tink of her...

even hanging out wit frens at the theme park...

how stupid...

i know u wont cum...

but still waiting...

lol duno which planet i cum from...

reli stupid...

first time c XD

wait da whole day...

looking forward ...

but unluckily...

wat i thought and tink is juz a dream...

it wont happen hahahaha

hmmmm...

i tink u r wrong too...

u said u cant live without chatting wit me 4 days...

but i tink...

now u can...

lol..as long as she is there har?

always break promises...

oooo yea,promises are made to be broken...

hmmmm...mayb i shudnt say dat u broke promise?

since u din say dat u promise me u will cum on9 in da following day..

u juz said dat u will cum on the first day ...lol

den ur sentence "cant live without chatting wit me " ...

makes me dissapointed...

wat a nice sentence...

is reli nice to hear though...XD

oh yea...

cant blame u too..

i juz rmb dat im not important at all...

who would tink of me ??

lol...

mai sam kan...

noi jai...

wahhh anything....

somemore so enjoy at outside...

of coz wont tink of me ^^

dumping me here...

i dun mind...

but...

broke my heart and dump me here...

without "healing" it...

ehhh???is dat right??wondering too...

but for me is unacceptable...

wat i said is da best..."dun cum better"

lol...hurt me lesser...

actually when talking bout da dream content...

is da first step of healing...

but...unfortunately...

her battery toooooooooo obedient....

until wan my heart to reak sooooo much...

lol aha mayb u will tink dat u did nth wrong...and i would like to tell u too..

yea u did nth wrong...im da one who having prob...so dun care me de...XD

im crazy like tis...no one will uds my feeling...

lol and ur msg...at first is nic to read...

oh yea shud thx dat u inform me dat laptop battery is finish...

but da following about how fun u r wit jean...

lol...it makes my heart bleed again...

if u wanna send tis...i suggest u to not send and save da credit ^^

is wasted...to be use like tis...u didnt say anything further and said dat ur bak is broke,

jean is too heavy...ok...tis will make me misuds and all...

and i duno wat is happening...and wat will i tink??guddddd ill tink anything would happen to both of u...on the bed?lol

i told u everytime when u teling me bout jean tis jean dat...i said dat i dun wanwan to know...

but u like to shareeeeeee ok thx for sharing...

i wont be happy for dat...

and too lucky dat when da msg delivered....everyone is at home...

i cant bash anything as i like ^^

and mayb u din notice dat i dun like to hear??or u like to share wit me too much XD

lol is not ur fault too...is my prob...

and here....

i shd thx dat i still hav yuri to acc me and heal my broken heart...

if not i dun tink only my heart is broken...

i duno wat ill do next...

after hitting da wall...hmmmm...

oh yea...da method dat i would like to choose as always...

run to da road wahahahhahaha...

can claim bak some money from insurance...

is such a nice method XD

and sleep in da hospital...

dun nid to go skool...mayb 1 week again??

wow....nice idea...support ^^V

aha...at here wanna thanks Yan,Judy,Sachiko...-_- one of da name...

she has too much nick -__-

alto she is not reading tis blog...

i shud say no one will read tis...XD

if she is not here acc me at dat time...

duno wat i will do again other than hitting da wall ^^

arigato kozaimasuu...

glad to hav such fren ^^

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

her replies:

Joey..why did u bring all things to think like this? Why do u think that there will be nobody come to read this? I always read ur friendship..But never commented. All the things that u wished to do, bashing anything or claim back the money from the insurance, please stop all thinking about those. For what? Is it worth already? I'm with her doesn't mean that I'll not care or neglect u..I still treat u as I always did, didn't change anything at all. I admit that I didn't come online that much on the days that she was here with me, cos I don't wanna have problems with her, anytime I wish to use skype or msn, even u r not online, even chatting with friends, she still became so angry because she wishes me to spend the time with her, it's not so easy to come here visit me like this, needs money, needs time..But I can chat with any friends anytime. After she went back, I have time with my friends and with u as well..I didn't ever think of dumping u. U should know that how important u r, to me. If not? I wouldn't go and argue with her just because of u, everytime we argued, all is because of u, did u know that?All is still the same, my feeling to u still hasn't changed, and no way to be change. I tell u, if I dont care,I wouldn't waste my time on reading something so long long long in this friendship and i dont usually waste my time on reading someone's business too. Because u r important to me, don't misunderstand me, I really feel unhappy that I didn't chat with u for many days and I TRIED to come but at those time when I came, I didnt see u online and she wanted me to not use msn and skype. I hope that u'll understand what I feel to u, I can feel that u r getting cold to me but I cannot help it..But I still love u as I ever did and will not be decreased forever. Wo Ai Ni, Lim Joe Ee

sry dat i couldnt do anything.... (31 May 2008 | 10.13 PM)

haizzzz...

yesterday...

i know i didnt bring da clothes bak to da house..

is my fault...

but for da phone thing...

i didnt hang up...

yea i forget...

everyone can be forgetful...

y not me??

is not a big deal...

u said others canot call to our house...

we hav mobile...

if they reli find us for urgent thing,

i tink they can call to our mobile...

is reli not a big deal...

u wanna scold bout da clothes thing den u scold bout it...

y u can relate da phone to da clothes??

i know u r fed up...

i oso cant help it...

u ever ask me...

wat i contribute to tis house...

and i dint answer u...

bcoz i know dat i never contribute anything...

even studies...

i oso cant do it well...

all i know to do is juz on9,wait and chat...

and today...

i wanna ask...

even sleep oso my fault??

u r hungry and waiting for mum to cum bak...

u can call her wat...

i juz forget to pass msg...

yea is my fault to forget again...

actually i wanna tell when u cum out from ur room...

but u straight away walk to somewhere...

i going to call u when u coming out...

i wanna explain to u...

but i dun tink it helps...

u wanna scold den let it be...

all i can do is juz keep quiet...

and let u scold...

and i told u dat i will exercise for today...

u scold me dat i break my promise and went to sleep...

actually i reli wanted to exercise...

i juz having headache,

so i plan to sleep awhile...

who knows i can sleep for 3 hours??

u didnt call me...

and u put da blame on me...

u said u nid my help when u service da air cond...

u didnt call me too...

and u scold me again...

how would i know dat u nid my help??

when u r angry...

u can make one thing bcome many...

can relate to everything dat isnt my fault...

sorry to say dat i bcome so forgetful...

i oso duno y i bcome so forgetful...

wat u all ask me to do...

all i forgot...

but wat my frens ask me to do...

ask me to help them download tis and dat...

all i rmb...and i do it for them..

my heart isnt at home??

everyday tinking tis and dat...

i oso duno y i bcome like tis...

not helping mum to do chores...

forgetting everything that they ask me to do...

sry...

reli sry....

i know i didnt do anything for da home...

i shudnt be live in tis wonderful house??

LOL juz now when eating at outside...

da aunty told us dat those indian at da next table were crazy...

they hav gun...

at dat time i was tinking to get shot by them...

how nice if they reli do...

and i cant die...

and my parents dun nid to worry bout me anymore...

im reli a burden...

i shud go to hell...

such unfilial and uselss daughter....

having such a nice family but didnt appreciate...

everyday do nth at home...

nth...

reli nth...

i didnt ease ur prob but adding more and more...

i shudnt be born in tis family...>.<

wasted....

wat the....?! is tis wat we call as fair??!!! ( 24 April 2008 | 2.36 AM)

i reli cant stand wit it anymore...

wat the hell??!! "lessen n lessen"???lessen ur ass... mine more lessen...

do u know dat, u wan more and more, u expect more and more from her??

datz y u felt dat is lessen and lessen and not contended...

at tis time...

i wanna say tis to u...

HEY JEAN LOOK AT ME!!!

wat I GET??!

i GET NTH?!

how much i GIV i still GET NTH!!!

u juz hav to threaten her or beg her...

and u get all of them...

even i request...

so wat??

dun say dat i din..

i did...

but everytime...

i cant get it...

im reli tired wit it adi...

i duno wat to do wit myself...

i wan it so much but i cant get,and i know i cant get too...

wat i wan...everything..i wont get...foreva...

my life?! i hate it...

sometimes i do felt dat im lucky....

but...now...

i felt dat is reli....OMG?!

duno how to describe...

at first...bcoz got scold from u b4...and den i dun dare to request anymore...

juz wait 4 u to send me da invitation...

but dun get...

den later on...

u said dat i din request it...

ok.....i request den....

but still cant get it....

den ok...dun wan request...at all...

more worse -_____-

din get anyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

den u came and tell me dat bcoz u tink dat i dun wan to c or hear u dat much...

since i din request as much as jean did....

omg...common sense...i keep emphasizing everyday....how can i dun wan??!

ok...even no face...juz body....still cant get....-___-

im tired of requesting...

everytime if i asked...

sure "no"

making me bcome blue...

sorrow...sad...anything.....

which is related to "heartbroken"

next time...

if i request...

lol i dun nid u to reply me too...

i already know da answer...

i can answer myself for u too...

-______________-

(sensetive topic for someone who r in luv wit jean...if u cant endure,better dun read)

jean...u r reli...lucky enuff...

i hate when i said "u r lucky" and u reply me "not like wat u tink"

u r trying to show off??har???

i know u get all...

dun show off...

keep it for urself to.....

u dun nid to do anything..

juz hav to cry,beg,and threaten...

and u get all of them...

im reli...."ADMIRE" U!!!beach...

u r talented....reli talented in doing all these ....

anyway...

i dun wish to curse u though...u force me to...

so sorry to say tis...

i belive dat.... da retribution is coming for u...one day.....

rmb how u treat me...

bcoz of "like", u bakstab,slander,bad mouthing,frame,set me up,said dat i hav intention, do everything dat u could...

and i treat u as my close fren,help u all the way............

dun tink dat i duno wat u tinking when i asked u "wat u wanna do?juz tell me"

and u said "i dun wish to tell out and i dun wanna be cruel wit u"

ur cruel...yea...cruel..but is u dun wish to be cruel to urself...

u know dat one day u will nid me...to help u...

and to console u...only me who know ur prob...

datz y u dun dare to delete me...

bcoz after u delete...

u wont get da chance to "use" me anymore...LOL!!!

more talented wat??

when both of u argued,

den i saw u on9 in my list...

looking for me as fast as u could...

last time was blocking me,

when having prob,

unblock me as fast as possible...

den after using me....

block me as fast as possible too...

when u lose her u tell me dat u wan to be fren again wit me...

when patched up...other story appeared...

u dun care dat i wan anot anymore...

bcoz u get her adi...

wow....

how nice..

dat day when we "clear",

u somemore say dat i take u as my tool....

actually i am more like ur tools...

using me whenever u nid...

and im willing to be use...

OMGGG DUMBEST PERSON EVER!!

somemore when both of u argue,

i can help u say smth nice infront of her?!

wat the hell is wrong wit me?

is my brain got any prob or wat??i reli duno wats wrong wit me...

mental prob....nid to c a phsycology doctor soon...

im a lunatic,megalomaniac and alllllllllllllllll

wat about when me and her argue??
u must be super happy den...

somemore help me to "bakstab"

anyway...

THANKS FOR UR BACKSTABBING...

I APPRECIATE IT....

if i can...

i already murdered u...

but i tink torture u r alot nicer...

and im willing to stay inside da prison....

ur retribution is looking for u....

dun worry...

i got no way to be not cruel...

so sorry dat i said dat...

i reli cant stand wit it anymore...

dun try to test my patience...

i've been looking at ur attitude and behaviour after u r crazy over her...

reli....

changed....

changed to be ...duno how to describe...

but is reli unpredictable and unreasonable....

u wan tis wan dat...

wan everything so much...

msn not enuff...video call not enuff...

later sms...not enuff....wanna call....

now somemore wanna meet...

go to hell....

wat u said??!!!

cant feel her??

feel is from wat u hear??

and from wat u c???

if u answer me "yes" ill ask u go to hell...

luv is not like tis...

luv...

u can feel dat person dat u luv...

EVERYWHERE,ANYWHERE,ANYTIME!!

dun nid to call or sms....

listen or c....

as long as dat person is in ur heart....

tis is wat i made it to bcome da truth...

i proved dat....

alto how much i wan...

i wont be over...

when she said "no"

means no...

and i wont ask more...

but ill still felt hot inside when she is showing u and not me...

even though,

dat day i requested first...

and another day she forgot bout it...

in her eyes...only rmb jean....

i cant make any comment to tis though...

lover is like dat..

i know i cant compare...

but...

i reli....

will bcome a robot soon if u still treating me like tis...

i juz came on9...

and da whole convo bout her -___-

i still wondering dat did u read my msg??

did u care bout my feelings??

when i repeated dat i sprained my ankle??

when i repeated dat im drinking??

i know...i know u wont care ppl...

but i nid adt...

wont u care bout me even a lil?

fake one...better than nth -___-

like wat hui xin did...

reli tired...

i wish dat i can forget everythingggggg....

alllllllllllllll....

i wish dat my brain is damage...

and forget all the things dat happened between us...

if can.....

forget bout ................... too.......

suffer....reli suffer...

i still cant figure out,

y is it so unfair???

i dun mind if i sacrifice or giv all of me to u....

i dun mind to "pay" 10 times more than others...

but i mind when i saw other ppl who din giv anything but get everything....

is tis wat we call fair???

inside my eyes...

now...

there r no "fair" anymore...

and i duno wat is it too...

ill bcome a robot soon...

feelingless....

reli feelingless adi...

i dun wish to care bout anything...

my heart lost...

where to find it bak...

pls dun continue treat me like tis...

if not i cant own bak my heart....

it lost....

do u know how does it feels??

when a person...getting blue almost everyday...

heartbroken.....almost everyday...

one word to describe...

FEELINGLESS....

no more feeling for anything,of anything....

i wan my heart and my feeling bak...

pls....

help me to get rid of tis...

cure my heart from not making me blue...

i know im too sensetive...

i juz cant change it...

and at last...

sorry for my words...

if too rude or wat....

bcoz drunkers are always like dat...=.=

i cant help it...

if too rude or wat -_________-