Tuesday, June 12, 2012

no one care... and no one will... isn't it?

i'm leaving... hello, i'm leaving?? gimme some reaction please guys?? how can you guys act as if nth happen, everything is alright?? 
it gives me a feeling that i'm not part of the HR group...
am i really that unworthy ?? that i dont deserve anything from you guys?? even a question???
that hurts... break my heart into pieces... but what can i do?? at least... i'm leaving... 
guess you guys love the idea of me leaving very much that you will throw a party to celebrate that i'm finally leaving ???

i thought it was worse enough when i hinted cassandra that i'm leaving and she doesn't give any reaction nor ask me anything until i go further with it... oh well, at least she did ask at the end (foce by me, maybe?) even though she didnt reply me anymore after i tell her that i'm unhappy working there... 
who knows there comes a more heartbreaking one that all of sudden i think cassandra is good enough that she bother to ask me a simple "why?" ...
i text lina last night that i'm resigning... and as expected, there was no reply... and when i reach office, still she didn't ask anything about it... so i intentionally ask her if she receive my msg and she said she did... and then she continue to do her work... 
and i start to wonder, if she already knew it way before i told her?? or she just knew it when i told her but she just couldn't be bother??  she makes me feel alienated...  because i see her asking a lot of people from other department whom she's not even close with why they're resigning... how about me?? 

guess the only one who give this really big reaction is siew ting...
she kept asking asking and asking... finally i feel that i belong to HR again... and all of sudden she said "omg after joey leave i got no one help me with my work" 
ermmm so, she's actually more worry about the work than i'm leaving?? 
i don't wish to be pessimistic but ... seriously... in such condition, how can you not be pessimistic??
but at least, she ask, she ask, and ask and ask... well... yea, is better than nth, isn't it??

why am i so pathetic??? why am i not lovable?? why am i like not existed??? 


also to you...
if you really care and worry, why dont you suggest to stay and accompany me? dont give me a fake hope... i already got over you, don't make me step into the trap again... please, dont... 
and seriously, am i really that scary that you need to avoid me that way?? am i a monster to you? or alien?? even with that little gesture of yours which is nearly unnoticeable, but i'm an observant person that every little gestures hurts me....


my heart is not as strong as what it seems like... i might look strong, but i am not... 
my poor heart... it is sensitive, it is fragile, so please handle it with care, please? pity me??
was always being left out... left out... and left out... i'm tired of it already...
also, does replying my msg will lose a part of your meat or you will die when you reply my msg?? would you guys just stop ignoring me??