Friday, August 17, 2012

学不会。。。


有时候真的不想自己那么聪明,真的很累。。。。 
什么都看透了,那还有意义吗??
宁愿自己傻傻的,什么也不懂,人家说什么就信什么。。。
为什么我就是该聪明的时候不聪明? 该笨的时候却什么都懂??


对不起。。。
知道自己说话之前没有去思考,和你相差实在太大了。。。
对不起,给你难堪了。。。
明明就知道真相却强迫你当坏人,硬要你把事实告诉我, 明知道你是不想伤害我可是还逼你来伤害我。。。


什么时候才会学会说话不要那么酸?什么时候才会停止比较?? 真的很难。。。 因为在乎,所以才这样。。。 请你体谅我。。。


 不知道为什么心情非常低落。。。 所以喝酒去了。。。
就是喜欢用这种方式来自虐,来麻醉自己,让自己什么都不想。。。
很差经对吧???
结果难受的是自己,别人还是好好的。。。


不知道你真的是不善于表达还是只是对我是这样。。。
关心一下,就一下而已,问一句也好,真的有这么难吗??
喝醉酒了才看清谁是在乎我关心我的。。。。


其实说的全部都不重要,地位什么的全都不重要,只要你肯开口关心,主动找我,重视我,就算垫底我也没关系。。。 我的要求。。。 会很高吗??真的有那么难办到吗??


或许是我误会你了。。。我不清楚。。。
或许是你不了解我想要什么吧?
but the the way you treat me... it hurts...
at that moment when i realize things, my tears are threatening to fall....


真的很伤心。。。 一直以来都认为只要自己对别人好,重视别人,别人也会用一样的方式对待我。。。 原来是没有这样的事情。。。 从来没有。。。 真的很笨。。。


不知道接下来会是怎样。。。 不过希望历史不要再从演。。。。 我害怕。。。。 希望时间可以冲淡一切。。。 

最后。。。。 
真的很抱歉。。。。。

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Does replying me hurts?? like seriously?

*sigh*
must be after resigning got nth much to do at home,and i'm becoming sensitive... again...
sensitive? or paranoid ? i have a feeling that is neither one =.=
people just wouldn't reply my msg properly...
yea is people, a lot of them -____-||||
i'm so tired of it... tired of feeling upset just because they didn't reply me...
and i'm not really sure why at i upset either...
why?? 
blahhh i don't know what the hell i'm talking here =.=
i'm just feeling soooooooooo frustrated and emo lately...
please stop ignoring me T___T
is not like replying me will die, or you will lose some of your flesh =.=

GAHHHH I NEED TO STOP BEING SO HELPLESS AND PATHETIC...
i hate these... hate all these, and i hate myself....
FML!!

and then when my friend ask me why wouldn't i hate on those people who ever hurt me...
well... that's because... i'm dump like that -___-|| i'm pathetic like that... 
and i am somehow masochistic .... ??? 


就是犯贱,就是可悲,就是爱被人糟蹋。。。 其实一点都不想这样。。。

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

no one care... and no one will... isn't it?

i'm leaving... hello, i'm leaving?? gimme some reaction please guys?? how can you guys act as if nth happen, everything is alright?? 
it gives me a feeling that i'm not part of the HR group...
am i really that unworthy ?? that i dont deserve anything from you guys?? even a question???
that hurts... break my heart into pieces... but what can i do?? at least... i'm leaving... 
guess you guys love the idea of me leaving very much that you will throw a party to celebrate that i'm finally leaving ???

i thought it was worse enough when i hinted cassandra that i'm leaving and she doesn't give any reaction nor ask me anything until i go further with it... oh well, at least she did ask at the end (foce by me, maybe?) even though she didnt reply me anymore after i tell her that i'm unhappy working there... 
who knows there comes a more heartbreaking one that all of sudden i think cassandra is good enough that she bother to ask me a simple "why?" ...
i text lina last night that i'm resigning... and as expected, there was no reply... and when i reach office, still she didn't ask anything about it... so i intentionally ask her if she receive my msg and she said she did... and then she continue to do her work... 
and i start to wonder, if she already knew it way before i told her?? or she just knew it when i told her but she just couldn't be bother??  she makes me feel alienated...  because i see her asking a lot of people from other department whom she's not even close with why they're resigning... how about me?? 

guess the only one who give this really big reaction is siew ting...
she kept asking asking and asking... finally i feel that i belong to HR again... and all of sudden she said "omg after joey leave i got no one help me with my work" 
ermmm so, she's actually more worry about the work than i'm leaving?? 
i don't wish to be pessimistic but ... seriously... in such condition, how can you not be pessimistic??
but at least, she ask, she ask, and ask and ask... well... yea, is better than nth, isn't it??

why am i so pathetic??? why am i not lovable?? why am i like not existed??? 


also to you...
if you really care and worry, why dont you suggest to stay and accompany me? dont give me a fake hope... i already got over you, don't make me step into the trap again... please, dont... 
and seriously, am i really that scary that you need to avoid me that way?? am i a monster to you? or alien?? even with that little gesture of yours which is nearly unnoticeable, but i'm an observant person that every little gestures hurts me....


my heart is not as strong as what it seems like... i might look strong, but i am not... 
my poor heart... it is sensitive, it is fragile, so please handle it with care, please? pity me??
was always being left out... left out... and left out... i'm tired of it already...
also, does replying my msg will lose a part of your meat or you will die when you reply my msg?? would you guys just stop ignoring me??