Thursday, 16th April 2009

in my mind...
there r only one thing i rmb...
and tis had washed away all my memory on today..
i reli cant rmb wat happened at skool...
wat happened at home...
and all...
all i rmb...
is...
u broke my heart...
tis afternoon...
when i got bak home from skool...
cum on9...
excited to c dat finally u came on9...
but...
is quite heart breaking to read ur pm...
and oso to read ur words...
and at last...
still da same...
nth changed...
u still so care of her...
dun u??
on da previous days...
i was so happy...
u gave me hopes...
but wat???
everytime u r like tis...
gave me hopes...
and disappoint me at last...
another feeling of throwing me down from 100th floor to da ground...

normal...
after nap den rest...
after dat exercise...
shower...
hav my dinner...
dun feel like coming on9...
afraid...
afraid to know more...
afraid to c da truth...
but still...
be brave...
im not a coward...

and i came on9...
a person dat u dun reli wish her to cum already came on9...
and ur words shows dat too...
and again start talking bout her...
how much u worry...
how sad u r...
until couldnt eat...
couldnt sleep...
kept crying...
u tried so hard to contact her...
so nervous...
asked me where is da custom...
asked me to help u call all da hospitals...
all...
johor...
all.....
is not dat i dun wan to help...
and oso not da matter of money...
y dun u uds???
thing is not as easy as u said...
as u know...my dad is not an easy person...
yea...u do know...
but when ur heart goes to her...
u will never tink for me...
be like never know bout my things...
and i always tink dat u r da one who uds me da most...
so now...
i nid to explain...
i am not like wat u said...
i am not heartless...
i always wanted to help...
as u know...
tis is not da first time i helped too...
i reli... 无能为力...
u asked me to tell him da truth...
if he knew im like tis...
become like tis...
is all bcoz of u...
wat u tink he will do???
sure dun let me to connect to da internet anymore...
is not cut off wit u...
he knows nth bout computer...
he is not dat stupid even he knows nth bout computer...
da smartest way...
throw away my modem...
tis is wat he always tell me...
if i dun listen to his words...
he will not let me on9...
but y...
y u say dat i create tis up bcoz i dun wan to help??
if i dun wan to help,
i wont cum on9...
so free go and create??
never trust me...
never believe my words...
is ok...
i know im untrustworthy...
and im always untrustworthy...
even my dad still say dat im a liar...
y??
i promised my dad to study and not cum on9 tis much on tis year...
but i never do dat...
i promised my dad i will go to sleep b4 12am...
never make it...
my words started to become bullshit for him...
even my dad still dun trust me...
wat bout u???
im sad dat i get da word "heartless" again from u...
everytime ...
things bout her...
u will scold me wit dat word...
wat u told me on those days??
u said dat u will never be like tis again...
but i shud know dat...
i shud know...
i shudnt be blaming anyone...
alto tis time is very diff from those times...
it last quite long...
but...is juz a dream...
after all...i still nid to wake from my dream...
to face da fact....
but y???
y do u made me fall deeper and deeper??
by giving me hopes???
alto u din say anything...
but da way u behave wit me...
is reli...
hard to make me not to tink...
learnt a lesson...
a very gud lesson...
put tis in my heart...
never ever believe in those f**king bullshits "dreams" anymore...
u r too smart to know dat...
i will be ... lost ... whenever i c ur tears...
when i dun wan to help u...
u invited me video call...
after seeing u like tis...
do u tink dat i still bear to not help??
even got scold or wat i will still try my best to help...
and i called...called and called...
no...dun hav...
dun wish to continue all tis craps anymore...
i know is boring...
is past...
den juz let it be...
da conclusion is...
heart broken...
unhappy...
sad....

at here...
i wan to thanks to Mun Mun and oso Xiao Lao Hu...
thank you very much...
for accompany me at dat time...
if not sure i already fallen apart...
and oso thanks to Xiao Lao Hu alot...
thanks for acc me until i fall asleep...
if not sure my eyes swell again on da next day...
arigato~~~~~~