学不会。。。

有时候真的不想自己那么聪明，真的很累。。。。 

什么都看透了，那还有意义吗？？

宁愿自己傻傻的，什么也不懂，人家说什么就信什么。。。

为什么我就是该聪明的时候不聪明？ 该笨的时候却什么都懂？？

对不起。。。

知道自己说话之前没有去思考，和你相差实在太大了。。。

对不起，给你难堪了。。。

明明就知道真相却强迫你当坏人，硬要你把事实告诉我， 明知道你是不想伤害我可是还逼你来伤害我。。。

什么时候才会学会说话不要那么酸？什么时候才会停止比较？？　真的很难。。。　因为在乎，所以才这样。。。　请你体谅我。。。

 不知道为什么心情非常低落。。。　所以喝酒去了。。。

就是喜欢用这种方式来自虐，来麻醉自己，让自己什么都不想。。。

很差经对吧？？？

结果难受的是自己，别人还是好好的。。。

不知道你真的是不善于表达还是只是对我是这样。。。

关心一下，就一下而已，问一句也好，真的有这么难吗？？

喝醉酒了才看清谁是在乎我关心我的。。。。

其实说的全部都不重要，地位什么的全都不重要，只要你肯开口关心，主动找我，重视我，就算垫底我也没关系。。。 我的要求。。。 会很高吗？？真的有那么难办到吗？？

或许是我误会你了。。。我不清楚。。。
或许是你不了解我想要什么吧？
but the the way you treat me... it hurts...

at that moment when i realize things, my tears are threatening to fall....

真的很伤心。。。 一直以来都认为只要自己对别人好，重视别人，别人也会用一样的方式对待我。。。 原来是没有这样的事情。。。 从来没有。。。 真的很笨。。。

不知道接下来会是怎样。。。　不过希望历史不要再从演。。。。　我害怕。。。。　希望时间可以冲淡一切。。。　

最后。。。。　

真的很抱歉。。。。。

Does replying me hurts?? like seriously?

*sigh*

must be after resigning got nth much to do at home,and i'm becoming sensitive... again...

sensitive? or paranoid ? i have a feeling that is neither one =.=

people just wouldn't reply my msg properly...

yea is people, a lot of them -____-||||

i'm so tired of it... tired of feeling upset just because they didn't reply me...

and i'm not really sure why at i upset either...

why?? 

blahhh i don't know what the hell i'm talking here =.=

i'm just feeling soooooooooo frustrated and emo lately...

please stop ignoring me T___T

is not like replying me will die, or you will lose some of your flesh =.=

GAHHHH I NEED TO STOP BEING SO HELPLESS AND PATHETIC...

i hate these... hate all these, and i hate myself....

FML!!

and then when my friend ask me why wouldn't i hate on those people who ever hurt me...

well... that's because... i'm dump like that -___-|| i'm pathetic like that... 

and i am somehow masochistic .... ??? 

就是犯贱，就是可悲，就是爱被人糟蹋。。。 其实一点都不想这样。。。

no one care... and no one will... isn't it?

i'm leaving... hello, i'm leaving?? gimme some reaction please guys?? how can you guys act as if nth happen, everything is alright?? 

it gives me a feeling that i'm not part of the HR group...

am i really that unworthy ?? that i dont deserve anything from you guys?? even a question???

that hurts... break my heart into pieces... but what can i do?? at least... i'm leaving... 

guess you guys love the idea of me leaving very much that you will throw a party to celebrate that i'm finally leaving ???

i thought it was worse enough when i hinted cassandra that i'm leaving and she doesn't give any reaction nor ask me anything until i go further with it... oh well, at least she did ask at the end (foce by me, maybe?) even though she didnt reply me anymore after i tell her that i'm unhappy working there... 

who knows there comes a more heartbreaking one that all of sudden i think cassandra is good enough that she bother to ask me a simple "why?" ...

i text lina last night that i'm resigning... and as expected, there was no reply... and when i reach office, still she didn't ask anything about it... so i intentionally ask her if she receive my msg and she said she did... and then she continue to do her work... 

and i start to wonder, if she already knew it way before i told her?? or she just knew it when i told her but she just couldn't be bother??  she makes me feel alienated...  because i see her asking a lot of people from other department whom she's not even close with why they're resigning... how about me?? 

guess the only one who give this really big reaction is siew ting...

she kept asking asking and asking... finally i feel that i belong to HR again... and all of sudden she said "omg after joey leave i got no one help me with my work" 

ermmm so, she's actually more worry about the work than i'm leaving?? 

i don't wish to be pessimistic but ... seriously... in such condition, how can you not be pessimistic??

but at least, she ask, she ask, and ask and ask... well... yea, is better than nth, isn't it??

why am i so pathetic??? why am i not lovable?? why am i like not existed??? 

also to you...

if you really care and worry, why dont you suggest to stay and accompany me? dont give me a fake hope... i already got over you, don't make me step into the trap again... please, dont... 

and seriously, am i really that scary that you need to avoid me that way?? am i a monster to you? or alien?? even with that little gesture of yours which is nearly unnoticeable, but i'm an observant person that every little gestures hurts me....

my heart is not as strong as what it seems like... i might look strong, but i am not... 

my poor heart... it is sensitive, it is fragile, so please handle it with care, please? pity me??

was always being left out... left out... and left out... i'm tired of it already...

also, does replying my msg will lose a part of your meat or you will die when you reply my msg?? would you guys just stop ignoring me?? 

why is it always like that????!! (just another post that no one will bother.... )

got no place to express and i ended up coming back again......


i just wish i would reach home later...
like 1am.... or i just never reach home will be better....

just when i thought you were waiting for me to come home because you're worry...
no... you're not...
you're waiting for me to come home so that you can throw a bunch of words at me and scold me like there's no tomorrow...

just what did i do wrongly this time???!!
i don't understand...
to cut down on my foods / starve myself and leave foods for you all eat.... is that wrong???
yea, whatever you say, i'm bad at estimating, but to leave more is better than less right??!
just what did i do wrong that you scolded me that way??? do i even deserve that???
are you blaming me because you need to eat twice?? Just leave it if you don't want, no one force you to...

what?? i only know to take and not giving?? repeat yourself again... my heart is broke...
so this is the way you see me??? huh???
what you know about me then??? you know NOTHING!

for you, everything i do is useless, is a waste, is wrong, never right....
for you, everything he did is right, never wrong, we have to tolerate him, even taking from you is right...
that explain why am i getting scolds and all those sarcastic words at outside while he's enjoying himself inside...

silence is golden...
is that even true???!!

hilarious much...
do you expect that i will really tell you??
like "hey! i'm jealous of the different treatment!" "hey, i'm just trying to be nice and leave foods for you!" "hey, i don't like it when you scold me with no proper reason!" "why are you taking other people's thing to scold me??" "do you know how much courage i took to ask you if i can buy that and you just disapprove me like that??" "didn't you see i'm busy?? why don't you ask the free one to help you instead of kept shouting my name only???"

i'm not saying anything not because i'm agree with you...
but i'm tired of explaining...
just how many times i need to explain??? even if i explain , will you even accept it???
one thing i'm sure of is that you will retort...


as expected though...
is not only you...
you all are always like that.... never try to understand the whole situation and start judging me as you like... always like that...
family, friends, teachers, net buddies....
have you all ever think in my point of view?? like ... once???!! seriously???

just a post to express the thing that hides deep inside my heart...

hello blog~~
i found myself back here again when i didn't know where can i express what is really in my mind without disguising or twisting my words to make it sounds nice...
so tiring...

and it never ends...
always about sungmin... about kyuhyun...

so... 2 days ago...
well... i don't know why am i acting that way though...
but i feel hurt when i see my friend sway from ming to kyu...
no, not only my friend, all the fans who did that... i feel hurt...
i think i wont be so disappointed or hurt if she start liking kyu ever since she knows sjm...
but really, i couldn't accept when people sway from ming to kyu...
just why?? is that keep happening?? is like, nearly half of the ming bias i knew sway from ming to kyu and i'm so sick of it...
to be honest, what so great about kyu??
of course i know he can sing, and his voice is attractive...
and yea, just that i see, nothing more, nothing less...
is hilarious to ask them why they sway...
"oh~~ his voice is so nice~~ i've fallen in love with his voice"
when ming is trying so hard there to make himself multi-talented, i felt like telling him just give up because people dont care...even his fans sway for the "only one talent" member...
even how hard you practise the choreography, still, you will only stay at the back or the side to dance... even you're the 4th best dancer in suju...
no one give a damn about how hardworking you are, ming, because you always under-rates yourself... no, you're being overly kind that you give all your parts to the other members, you dont care about yourself, and do you expect your fans to care about you when you yourself dont?? no!!!
that's why i'm not really blaming when people sway... to be honest, i'm not pissed too... i just feel disappointed and hurt... how can they be like that???
again, to be honest, yea... i'm simply jealous... and selfish... i know and i admit it...

and now, what??!!
i dont even have freedom on voicing out my feelings??
like? seriously??
dont think that you're the only on holding back, WE ARE HOLDING BACK AS WELL!
especially me!
everytime when i tweet smth, i'll make sure to twist it and twist it and try my best to make it not obvious.... cant you just ignore what you read???
can i tweet what i feel because of feeling sad that my friend actually swayed???
why are you so over-protective??? towards other members!
when i never see you being protective over ming? did you??
you said we hold onto grudges, and always rant about kyu and you're sick of it...
and so do i ! i'm sick of myself ranting kyu too because i'm so tired on ranting him, and that tweet of mine on yesterday, i swear i'm not ranting about kyu, i just said i was speechless if people like to think that a voice is better than 100 talents... I JUST SAID THAT!
come to think of it , i'm actually complimenting kyu indirectly ! saying that he use only his voice but can attract so many fans...

and i think we're ranting very very carefully, not to hurt you...
have you see tumblr of kpop secret?? have you read the two posts saying that ming's voice is nothing?? did you see they compare hae with ming and say hae is much more better than ming?? i bet you will just keep quiet even you see it... and see! they even rant it like OPENLY with pictures and words and all insulting ming in TUMBLR!
and even wish him to enlist earlier !
the other one is more ridiculous saying that ming got too much lines like they're deaf or blind that you see ming singing a lot???
and what they say are not NEAR THE FACT AT ALL!!
they say hae's voice is better than ming and HELLO have they ever hear hae singing live?? he sings like shit and i can assure you that hae cant sing live for God's sake even though he has good voice... and the fact is there, ming is main vocal yet they said smth like that...
what did we do?? no! we didn't do anything, we speak what we see and what we hear...
we are just TELLING THE FACT!! is not like we're bringing something false and insult kyu!
is true that he can only sing, isn't it??? tell me he can dance?? tell me he can rap?? LMAO
is true that he's rude to his hyung, and evil too, isn't it??? did you see how he smack hyuk's head and kick hyuk??? and teuki too???
and is true that he sing most of the line, didnt he??? almost the whole perfection that he's singing
and it is very true that he can't dance for God's sake yet he's fucking swaying his limbs awkwardly during the dance break part...
and the dance segment in SS2, they cancel ming out and make kyu in LMAO!!!! WTH??!!
SM The Ballad??? Musical??? why isn't yesung and wookie in it??? ok, cut yesung, since he had musical before... but what about wookie?? isn't it hilarious to know that the main vocal of suju JUST STARTED SOME NEW ACTIVITY THIS YEAR??

and one thing i dont know if you know, when kyu just join suju, ming gave his parts and lines to kyu, and see what happen on being too kind....just like what i said above, nearly half the ming bias i knew sway from kyu to ming... LOL
that's the main point... i actually dont hate kyu, i just feel sad that the fans never see ming...
and when ming is being kind to give his part to kyu, at the same time, he's giving his fans to kyu as well...
and the time when i started hating kyu is the time when i see he's rude and all...
don't believe me? go to M-INvasion and dig the old comments that i ever leave...


i just don't understand why are you being so over-protective with the other members and not ming when your bias is actually ming...
that just make me doubt about you... doubt if ming is really your bias...

do you think we really love ranting???
no, we dont... i really hate it when i waste most of my time pissing off on some people...
but we're doing it because we love ming...
and you should know it that we're not ELF, we couldn't bring ourselves to love all the members...
loving ming doesn't mean we need to love those who are close with him or he loves too...
as you say, personal preferences... and then why are you over-reacting when we dont like other members???
why dont you like SNSD too?? ming is close with SNSD but why dont you like them??
why dont you like 2PM??? ming is close to them too!!
i ship minwook, why dont you ship minwook as well???
that's how we feel when you ask why cant we like all the members or when you ask why dont we ship kyumin...
we're not so great that we can accept the false or acted like we're blind/deaf not to see the truth...
also is not like we're ranting for no reason...
why some people can mix with the whole class but some couldn't???
why cant you understand us ???
why do you want to start some drama when i'm trying so hard to avoid it???
you know we love you, you knew it!
we can always say smth nasty but we didnt, just for you... only for you that we're doing it...
i can always say smth really nasty to you, about them, if i wanted to...

i really hope you can be considerate and understand us...
as we told you earlier, we're not ELF, we cant bring ourselves to like all the members...

Frustration + Miracle = Life couldn't get better~~

just when i was about to post something emo-ish, there comes something happy~

alright i'll tell ...
it should sounds like this (can't remember well since i should have post this like a month ago =.= )
the time when i don't enjoy my fangirling life...
is when i don't have free times to search for fanfic to read T___T
because i was flooded with all the updates that i need to do on MINvasion as Alex disappear T___T
i can tell that the pics i've uploaded to MINvasion... i barely see them, i just scan through and busy looking for pics to upload ...
well, i'm not complaining about it, i felt honor that i get to help Alex up since she's busy with her work and continue to spread ming's love...
but what disappoint me ... well, is also MINvasion...
i still remember how excited i got when i first became admin there and i enjoy seeing my unnie and dongsaeng spamming MINvasion with their comments..
until Sara, my babe unnie left...
MINvasion becomes dead, no one is spamming MINvasion anymore...
i knew there's silent readers but i actually got motivated when people leave comment,
especially my unnie and dongsaeng T___T
oh and so when my babe unnie left, my dongsaeng seems to disappear as well, disappear as in not active in MINvasion... she's busy with her own things like translating articles, fan account and busy looking pics in weibo...
and there's once i felt like giving up MINvasion, but then i didn't want to be irresponsible... i remember very well that i've promise Alex that i wouldn't dump MINvasion...
also because of someone who being irresponsible, dumping me and MINvasion...
thought that it will be the last source for us to communicate...
how silly i am...

and over here, i have to say thanks to Mika...
really, i just roughly told her about my frustration and she went to leave comment in MINvasion urging the silent readers to leave comment...
how sweet my dongsaeng is ~ *hugs*
and her method works, some of the silent readers start appearing =D
what more surprising is Sara is back again!!!
and really, you all have no idea how happy i am...
also how excited i am to see MINvasion bombed by her comments LOL
ermmm well, perverted comments to be exact XD
*cough* i don't mean that i got excited because of her perverted comments ~~ OMG
*hides*

lastly, really, i appreciate everything that you all have done for me...
Nora, Sara and Mika....
saranghae~~~~~~~~

ok i should go now, is late already...
and forgive me for my ... well, very terrible writing as i didn't write for a long time, i mean write something long like this -__-||

don't know if i'm being thick-skinned or this is really meant for me...
guess that my instinct wont tell me the wrong thing??
"wow .. now I'm happy .. I'm really happy ... wuaaah I thought I was gonna lose her for ever ... I have a phobia from this kind of fights"
it makes me day, if only it is meant for me...
i never know that i can be so important for someone...
the time when i feel i'm lovable... is at this time...

seriously, what is up with my life???

and yea...
talking about last night...
i was quite frustrated because she just wouldn't get what i'm trying to tell....
no, the price doesn't matter, not at all...
buying expensive thing doesn't mean you can pay back what you owe her,
and the main point is not the price, but the thing you bought...
have you ever thought if she will use it??? i mean like, yea you're right, at our age we should start taking care and sure she will use when you give her but hell no! we all know that she don't use it, is so obvious that you don't need to ask..
just observe and you will see...
if you think you owe her a lot, then you should consider what she need now, something which is more useful and thing that you sure she will be using it...
walau... gek dao~
now i rather to pick your first suggestion, "bicycle" ... that sounds wayyyy better than this...
and then buying gift, since it is a share one, you should be considering about other aspects (people who share with you)...



then today...
the second time that my dream broken...
i found a local supplier of Archos 43 and is only RM300 ...
but the company located at Kuching, Sarawak....
and when i asked my dad... ohh great... cannot again...
he said it might be a scam -__-|||
no, at first he asked me about the service after sales, i said we post back to the company at Kuching and then he said that scam thingy...
my heart was like... broke into pieces immediately...
just when i will have my internet tablet???
i wonder what will be his respond if i tell him that i want Samsung Galaxy Player and THAT HAS THE FREAKING SERVICE AFTER SALES AND NO SCAM, BUT THE PRICE IS RM1300+++
i'm pretty sure he'll ignore me if i ever ask him this because he just wouldn't spend so much on digital... i knew him.... too well...
but Pn Teen said, don't be stingy on technology ......
but actually...
even if he agree to buy me galaxy player still i won't allow him to -__-|||
RM1300+++ i "sam tong" ....
haizzz...
eottokhae???
anyone wanna sell their used Archos43/Cowon D3/Samsung Galaxy Player??

my dream... is broken... goodbye to my Archos 43...

LOL...
the first thing is LOL!!
i found it is so hilarious..
i'm so dumb, so stupid that i thought my dad will allow me to buy Archos 43...
i felt dumb not because he doesn't allow me to buy,
but i spent like... so much times on doing research and watching review regarding Archos 43...
especially this 3 days, i can tell that i just watch the review from day to night and compare Archos 43 with other PMP/internet tablet, see if which one is better...
until i neglected my homeworks and Sungmin...
and at the end what i got??? as expected, i got this : "No."
LOL!!!
oh c'mon, dad, why are you so paranoid????!!
i'm the one who going to pay and still i haven't afraid it will broke or spoil, why you???
can't you try to think in a positive way... even once????!!!
seriously i'm not in a good mood that i felt like cursing out...
now, if i want something more than RM1000, you will just turn your back to me...
then i found this, RM851, very reasonable and acceptable price, and yet you just deny me like that...
when i can't get to try the device, you said later i will regret...
fine then, now i get to try the device, but you are worry about the damn "service-after-sales" thing...
so when i found one that has the stupid "service-after-sales" thingy which is 60% useless, and then you just turn your back to me... because of the price...
why am i so pathetic?? can't i own something that i want and need for so long time???!
there is whole lot things that i want but i never open my mouth and say it, i just kept quiet and pleasure myself by watching all the review videos on youtube, looking into their official site, just imagine that how does it feel if i ever own them...
Lumix GF2/Sony NEX-5/ Lumix TZ-10
Samsung Galaxy 2/ LG Optimus X2 / Archos 43/ Cowon D3/ Samsung Galaxy player
not much though, only one camera and one smartphone/internet tablet that i want from the list above...

i'm tired of my Creative Zen which it's keypad wouldn't listen to my order...
just how many times i need to press and re-press just to fast forward???!!
just how many times i need to press and re-press just to go to the next song???!!
just how many times i need to check if which songs i don't listen much???!! (thanks to the friggin' 4gb storage)

i'm off..
F**K YOU ARCHOS FOR NOT HAVING A OFFICIAL RESELLERS HERE IN MALAYSIA!!
I F**KING HATE YOU!!!
F**K OFF AND GET A LIFE!!

CNY???!! today definitely not a good day for me...

disappear for quite sometimes and now i decided coming back here to rant again...

today is really not a good day...
not to add that i have a very bad day during Chinese New Year???!!
like... seriously??

firstly, i spent my whole afternoon, like 3 hours to do the friggin PA essay...
oh great.. waste my time...
why teacher have to give us so much homeworks during CNY???!!
didn't they know that we need to go back to our hometown??
and there, my whole afternoon is gone...

secondly...
sad....
i fought with Sara again...
my baby unnie... T___T
why... why it kept happened?? even though we already promised with each other that this will not be happening again...
i'm sorry... i'm so sorry...
i don't mean to tease you but... that's just my nature... i guess(?)
and i never say that is wrong to tease me back...
but you make me worry...
i'm worrying and feeling so bad here, thinking if my words really hurt you...
and i was so frustrated that i thought you're angry with me in fact you're just doing a prank...
still better though...at least my words didn't really hurt you...
why misunderstanding always happen between us??/
and with the word war 7.... by saying that, i dont mean we dont have a good relationship...
we indeed have a very good relationship but... at that moment, we're really having some kind of world war 7 .... didn't we??
why must you mind about what i said to others so much???
that i think each time we're fighting because you read what i said to others about us...
when i don't really mean it???
waeyo....
why can't you just judge and mind about what i said to you instead of what i said to others??
is my words to you not assuring?? and you think that what i said to others is more real ??
is that so???
i don't know...
but my heart is broken ....
you left me like that...
maybe we need sometimes...
to reflect myself and to let you cool down...
but please... don't leave twitter just like that... come back...either for Ming, Nora or Mika, just come back... T___T don't dump me like that... please...
i cant stand to lose my baby unnie who pamper and spoil me so much...
not to add, appreciate me a lot..
i'm so wrong...
so so wrong...
damn my fingers, why do i always type things without thinking??? i hate myself...
and i freaking felt like slapping myself for being disrespectful and inconsiderate ...
mianhae~~ my baby unnie...

third...
GDI... WTH??!!
why the hell is kyuhyun over flower trending??? SERIOUSLY???!!
is just a stupid picture of him on BOF's character and that he is trending already??
does that even make sense???!!!
seriously, kyuhyun, why worsen my mood when i'm already super down here???
i still remember so well how hard me and some of the sungmin lovers trying to trend ming's president because of his come back drama...
and it trend only for an hour ... i mean on the list...
and this stupid kyuhyun over flower thing is trending like 3 hours++ ???!! you gotta be kidding me...
is that little picture is more important than ming's come back drama???!
great... how great...
that's what pissed me off...
i'll be very fine if the same thing happened during President first episode air...
why is it have to be so unfair???
and us, the vitaMINs, are like spamming the trend for President instead of trending it...
we tried so hard, include that everytime we send out our tweet...
and blame ourselves when we forgot to include it...
omg...why so difficult???!

dream of BoA~~

ahhhh~~~
i dreamed of BoA last night~~~
so sweet~~ hehehehe
but i forgot part of dream already T___T
like how she looks, what kind of hairstyle, what outfit she wore, where's the place...
i have no idea.....
but i know that she looks beautiful in my dream~~~
the only thing i remember is...
hmm...
in that room, there's quite some people, but not much, included staff and fans?
and then... i don't know if she passed by me or approach me, and started to talk with me, in Japanese?? -___-||| do i look like Japanese?
and then i said " sorry, i don't speak Japanese, i'm Chinese" LOL!! how blunt -__-|| joey ah... where's your manner??
and then she was like oh ok and start speaking to me in English...
but i don't remember what she told me... and then i think i asked her if i can shake her hand and if i'm not mistaken, she hold out her hand and let me shake.... and then she kinda smile(?) before she left to the staff and i turn to the side and said " i'm lucky that she speaks/understand English! " XD and the person at my side is... i don't know who is that LOL!! don't remember -__-||

List what Mr. Lee Sungmin do/can do?

1. Magic!!!
   
2. Play guitar
3. Play piano
4. Play saxophone (the latest~)
5. Chinese martial arts
6. Taekwondo (yea, i know is almost the same but... i want to make this longer XD)
7. Play/do nunchucks (hell yeah! he can kill you with that!)
8. Ride horse! (newly discovered, after watching Boys In The City 3 XD)
9. COOK!! (because i can't cook! XD)
10. Take good care of babies/kids (he can bathe and feed them well ^^ )
    
11. Bartender-ing ~~ (he can effing spin the bottle on his palm!)
12. Dance! (and he dance good!)
13. Sing! (ehh~ of course he can sing~ but he's also good at it, didn't he? XD )
    
14. Act! (woot~~ his drama~~ soon to be air~~~)
15. do aegyo! (LOL i don't know if this counted)
16. tossing pizza dough~~

these are what i can think of > <
i think there's still more ~~~

damn it! i'm back to the "mad-at-kyuhyun-phase" again!!

WARNING : PLEASE, I REPEAT, PLEASE GET OUT OF THIS POST, OR MORE LIKELY, HERE, IF YOU'RE A KYUHYUN BIAS OR KYUHYUN IS YOUR FAVORITE MEMBER, I JUST WANTED TO RANT ABOUT MY LITTLE DISSATISFACTION, NOT TO MAKE THE OTHER ELF HATE ME...
PLEASE UNDERSTAND, THANK YOU...
IF YOU INSIST ON READING, THEN PLEASE BE RESPONSIBLE OVER YOUR OWN FEELING, DON'T LEAVE COMMENT HERE SCOLDING ME, THANK YOU...



still, ranting in my blog is the best choice, i can spill out whatever i felt upset or disappointed with without making other ELF feel that i'm bashing their bias...
my thread have been close by perMINent! T____T
and scolded by another ELF in youtube LOL ... well, i kind of guess that i would get that already...


i know, as a ELF, i'm wrong for this but still... i'm really really not happy with this...

issue regarding SUPER SHOW 2 DVD, Sorry Sorry Answer VCR ...


are you kidding me??
seriously??
these so call ELF scream from head to toe whenever kyuhyun appears in the VCR but shut their mouth so tight when other members appear?
you know, is understandable if they scream at particular scene but WTH?! the really scream EVERY TIME kyuhyun appears, YEA, i repeat, EVERYTIME!
i hope my ears aren't playing tricks and i repeat and repeat watching it and still the same thing...
i'm really disappointed...
what's more disappointed...
yea, they're sooooooooooooooooooooooo quiet when min appears LOL!!
is that funny? yea, i found it funny...
c'mon, when you hear little cheer for that member, you should cheer more, that is what us, fan, do, isn't it??
if they like to only scream over their bias then just shut up and watch the VCR...
and i'm pissed now... very very pissed...
i was actually very happy about the VCR thingy because this version of Sorry Sorry Answer has kangin in it but ........
aishh....

why~~~ T____T
sorry for being too sensitive but really... why??? this isn't the first time already, even when i was in Super Show2 Malaysia, the same thing happen that min has really really less cheer -__-||
**sigh**
no wonder he's sad over his popularity....
because i'm sad too!

think positive...
i should... i have to...
because min updated his cyworld today!! posting the photo he took... him with kyuhyun...
damn !! min, are you trying to ask me not to be mad at kyuhyun??
haizz... i didn't want to be like that too but... they really... not doing the right thing...

compare?is it good? or bad? + fiction i wrote... for Syane(?)

comparing???
is a good thing actually...
it motivates us and as well as make us a better person...

sometimes it might upset one by comparing themselves with other...
for example, you think your friend look better than you and you're bother by that...
then... this is a bad one...

and it is even worse when you're not comparing yourself with others,
instead, you compare one person, with another, which is not you, yourself...
you might made mistake in your judgement when you brought prejudice along with your judgement....
or maybe you don't bring prejudice, but it just wash over your judgement like that, without yourself realizing...
human being... that's what we do.... of course we choose the one we favor... but you don't really have to bash the other just because you think the one you favor is better...
keep it in your mind, keep in your heart...
compare, but don't voice out what's in your mind...
people got offended by it....

we're normal human being, sometimes, we can't help but being bias...
the best way to avoid this is either keep it, or voice it out, but in a good way...
for example...if you really felt like telling that your friend's bf sings really bad and you think your bf's singing is way better...
edit your words before letting it out, it make a big difference...
just said "the guys is really bad at singing" will do...
you don't have to tell everything out, like "my bf is better than him!"
that's a fail....

even though that's the truth but still, you don't have to tell out because it will just offend people...
also, sometimes, we wont know if what we thought are really the truth, or it is just plain bias...

be good... be nice... and is all started with what comes out from your mouth...
lies are bad, but white lies are good...


finally over here...
wanted to share a fiction that i wrote...
ermmmm...
i guess the fiction is dedicated to Syane?
no....is not(?) i don't know too...

http://kangaroobb.livejournal.com/2195.html#cutid1

放下。。。

“当一个人很大方的不再计较时，就代表他已放下了。。。”

就如现在的我。。。
之前还在烦到底该不该祝贺他，因为真的很讨厌，生气他对我所做的东西。。。
我做到了。。。
要大方， 毕竟我的生日时，他也有给我他小小的心意， 而且也听我发了很多奴苏。。。
之后发现自己原来已经不在乎了。。。
其实也不知道是不在乎，还是麻木了，只知道是没感觉了，也不怎么想记得那些回忆。。。

and it hits me...
yea, the stupid drama...
刚刚在看家好月圆，突然觉得自己和里面的阿月同病相怜，
明明说的事实，却没人相信。。。
历史。。。又重演了。。。
明明是他做的，是他的错，可是却被诬赖说是我一手设计出来的。。。
其实被诬赖并没什么大不了，最心酸的是当你看着你爱的人选择了不相信你，站在另一头一起诬赖你，仿佛在迫你把“罪”扛了。。。

不过这一切都已经是过去了。。。。

reason of Min being emo?? + SCREW THE ANTI!!! + MY "Min journey" + Min's extra-ordinary personality + My words for Min

he is being emo (AGAIN!!) lately...
i see him smiles all the time during No Other times...
but.... is just to show that he's strong???
after i talked with a China Min bias,
she told me that Min close his twitter account and some CY tabs most probably is because of the antis who left comment insulting/criticize him...
GOD!!

is kinda late to post this today...
is the thing 2 days ago...
Min on Good Morning show...
listening to dongdong's word breaks my heart...
our Min is lonely??
why???
and awkward with yesung and donghae???
a major WHY??!! for donghae...
i thought Min is close with donghae???
they are close and intimate with each other...
and is just for fan service????
seriously, what was that???!!
i ship haemin a lot and that really breaks my heart...
and i don't know what i should do if even his room mate say that he is awkward with Min...
luckily, he didn't...

and dongdong said that Min always ask him about how to become manlier...
hey boy, you are really manly, you don't need to become manlier ...
and being COLD is a VERY WRONG concept for becoming manlier...
do you see the members being cold just to show that they are manly?
NO!!!

what's wrong of you being cute??
that is you! you don't need to change yourself just because of what the antis said about you...
being cute and a little feminine, SO WHAT??!!
whats wrong with a guy being cute??
can't he?? he's good at that! you stupid jealousy ANTIS!!! screw you!
stop insulting or criticize him, making him all emo...
you!THE ANTIS doing that to him just showing that you are shallow and you are not as cute as him, not as sexy as him, not as hot as him, not as beautiful as him and that's why you doing all these huh???!!
screw you and get a life! look at yourselves before criticizing people!


To : guy or girl, male or female, men or women - ANTIS

you just couldn't beat him because he looks GOOD IN BOTH!



i don't mind if you change because of your liking...
you want to be cold to look mature or anything...
but please, no, no if you change it because of the antis words...
a big NO!!!!
i rather you to change for the fans, for the one whom you love or love you than changing yourself for those bastards who hates you ...
you should really learn from heechul, look, he don't give a damn about people saying that he is gay and continue going around kissing guy like that, in public, in private or just anywhere -__-||

here comes the truth of me...
well... i admit that i ever call you gay but i really don't mean it...
you can't blame me for saying that because is my very first time seeing you, knowing you...
and the 090515 Sorry Sorry performance was the first sorry sorry performance i watched and...
you...
you sing that way...
and touching your body that way...
and....
that makes me think "that way" too...
i mean yea...you sounds gay there... or perhaps looks gay with that dance moves of yours...
but after watching more shows and performance, i don't call you that way anymore!
i only call you that way because of that performance... i swear...
and i didn't only call you like that, i call heechul and wookie gay too -__-||
but i really don't mean that...
it was just a nick that i gave to allow me remember the 12 members easier...

and what makes thing more ridiculous is...
ermm...i should say surprising...
is...
i started to like you all because of your a-lil-feminine-personality ...
i know i'm weird **cover face with pillow**
but you're really attractive in any way... EVERY WAY!
i love the special personality/quality of yours...
is like, you have everything and you can do everything and what's more?
you are good at almost everything...
the very first thing of yours which attracted me is your cuteness/aegyo-ness...
and the second? of course is the femininity....
chinjayo!! i'm not lying.... i know i'm weird...but....really...
what makes me love you even more is that you can switch your personality anytime, anywhere...YOU LIKE!! omo~~~
and that is really cool!
is like, awhile you're hot, awhile you're manly, later on you became so cute and etc etc...
who else can do that ?? name that person...
and i'm certain that only Lee Sungmin can do so...
you're a "killer"...
a real "killer"...
you killed me so "cruelly" even with the cross-dressing....
is all started with Idol World Suju-T...
and stopped at Gayo Daejun's Gee ...
yea... that little outfit and wig of yours....
made me so...UNF!!!


my words to our beautiful Sungmin :
your beauty...
you specialty ...
are always beyond of words...
please think that you're special and never care about the antis words, ok?
ELFs are always on your side and by your side...
don't worry that people will think negatively on you, even they think like that, just let them be...
as long as we, ELF love you!
God made you special in this way with a reason...
making you being love by a lot of people in all over the world is one of the reason...
and making people jealous is another reason...
yea, jealousy creates antis...
they critcize/insults you is because they jealous of you being so beautiful and almost-perfect....
so....
please love yourself, Min....

favorite UFO replies from Sungmin XD

just decided to quote some UFO replies of ELF with Sungmin from SJ-World.net as i read a lot today...
(he is active in UFO replies recently?)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

9/7

Fan : It...it's such a nice photo....
Sungmin : I...don't quite like it...ㅋㅋㅋ

(referring to this photo of Kyu, and min is being such a mean! LOL!! )



Fan : How much is this doll ?? I want to have it !!
Sungmin : Very expensive...

( this is the "doll" the fan talking about XD)



Fan : That is my boyfriend !! How is he ?? Is he handsome ??
Sungmin : Oah he's the best...Is there a person like that in this world ??? Is he a doll, isnt he ??

(again, the same "doll" but our Minnie is being such a narcissist indirectly LOL!! he's cute XD)



credits to onsaemiro fancafe
translated by evanesco@sj-world.net

------------------------------------------------------------------------
10/7

Fan : Oppa are you not old ? ㅜㅜ
Sungmin : You should drink blood from a virgin everyday...ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

credits : onsaemiro fancafe
translated by evanesco@sj-world.net

------------------------------------------------------------------------

11/7

Fan : Is it true that Sungmin-oppa is a vampire ? Fans are the only one who are getting old..
Sungmin : Uh!...You got me..

10/7

Fan : I like ChoLee couple very much ~ ♥
Sungmin : .... Hahaha but Kyu doesnt like it..

(think the fan mean kyumin couple?? and min ah, is you don't like or kyu don't like? XD )

credits : onsaemiro & chunhweeryong fancafe
translated by evanesco@sj-world.net

--------------------------------------------------------------------------


awwwwwwww
he's sweet, isn't he??
but if i'm that fan, i would ask where is the gold ring that he wore on his pinky for years went instead of asking him about his new ring...

GRRR!! CHO KYUHYUN!!! .... but kyumin save it all?? maybe...

sorry for the kyu-lovers,
better click on "close" now if you love him a lot...
this post doesn't suit you all...

again, i warn you...
KYU-LOVER, PLEASE LEAVE THIS POST NOW IF YOU THINK YOU LOVE HIM REALLY MUCH !
don't leave comment scolding me after reading this...
i won't stop you from reading but if you insist on reading, scold me MENTALLY, don't leave comment here telling me all the shits...

(i made out my mind that i still love kyumin....after all...)
rage~~~
seriously...
don't talk to me about CHO KYUHYUN right now...
i'm not really sure the reason why i got mad at him but im just mad with him...
you know, is so hard for me to like him and so easy for me to hate him...

the first member whom i dislikes a lot in suju was him, yea, Cho Kyuhyun!
i'm not sure why too...
he just make me dislike me for.... no reason?
or maybe with reason...
first of all, he's too skinny, really, and with that over-sized blazer he's wearing make him looks unattractive...
also his curled hairs...even worse...
everything on him just make him look horrible...
well, that was my opinion at first...

and i'm gonna kill myself for jumping eunhyuk to min...
because...
kyuhyun is his effing room mate and what's more?
he is his effing 'lover' ...
and i got offended...
curse myself for liking to read fanfictions...
because most of the fanfics that has min in it for sure it has kyuhyun too -__-||
which also means , more than often, the pairing is kyumin...
at that time, i ship kangmin a lot...
and what to do when i'm out of fic to read??
i forced myself to read the kyumin fics...
and oh god, i don't really know how and why i started to cast away the hatred of mine on him...
if is not because of min, i wouldn't give an eye to him!

and then...
i started to ship kyumin after that...
more and more...
until i neglected my favorite OTP, kangmin...
also haemin and minwook ...
and i found him attractive (at least in some way)
because of the naughty look of him?? maybe...

and all because of the 4jib that i started to hate him...
well, i wont blame if min didn't get enough line in the songs because...
understandable, there are lots of members and some of them get even smaller part than him...
so he is lucky enough to have "quite a lot" of lines already...
but then...
what's with that???!!
why is kyuhyun taking over the dance break part???
instead of min??
do you need me to remind you who is the top 5 dancer of suju??
sorry, top 4 for now after hankyung left...
seriously, you can't dance as well as min...
your long limbs swinging around make you look awkward...
come on~~~
you already have a lot of singing lines,
why still wanna snatch that little thing from your hyung??
and this reminds me of super show 2 where the same thing, the dance segment changed, and you are in it, not min!!
and screw you that it happens before super show 2 in Malaysia and i didn't get to see min dance hotly live!

after some days, i get over of this...
and started to accept the facts...
and another thing hits me...
when i was watching the Hello Chat (a very old variety show)
i was wonder why the MC said the this 3 (is min, wookie and yesung) is the represent of singing group...
so i left a comment asking why and the uploader told me that before kyuhyun join suju, min was one of the lead vocals (the third vocalist to be exact) and i went all "WHAT THE F**K??!!!"
it really pissed me off...
and i swear i will chop him into pieces and feed to dogs if kyumin isn't existed...
i don't even know why kyumin is existed when kyuhyun snatch so much things from min and preventing him to love by everyone...
so what i read from the fanfics were right, possessive kyuhyun...
he indeed is possessive...

and i started to dislike kyuhyun already...
but not as offended as now...
because of the stupid kyuhyun fansite...
who went to take kyumin photos but end up blurring min before posting it...
what the f**k was that, seriously??
if you wanted only kyuhyun, take just kyuhyun then! no point of blurring min...
or you can crop your BELOVED CHO KYUHYUN out, so we would thought that it was a kyu-only pic...
even 2sungmin, snowdrop or sungminwings still didn't do that, and why are you, the kyu-lovers doing that???
is not like min is a stranger or something...
he is part of suju too!!!
further more, he is the little lover of kyuhyun!! forgotten about the kyumin huh???
what's wrong with you guys???!! gosh...
i felt like strangling the chokyuhyun.kr fans...
or most likely, the editor of the photos...
you're jealous with kyumin or you don't like min or you love kyuhyun until went blind ???!!!
if you jealous of kyumin, i would ask you to go to hell, when he's with girl, you complain...
and now even when he is with suju member, you are complaining...

don't blame me for hating you, cho kyuhyun...
because your fans "helps" me make my last decision...
and i think i need time (and read more kyumin fics) to get over all this stupid stuff...

my ideal guy ??

well....
i have no idea why it turns up to become like this...
don't misunderstand with my post that i'm having a lover right now -__-||
i'm just... imagining LOL!!!

call this as requirement??
not really...
i don't really mind if that person didn't fit any of them ^^
as long as he fitted my heart :D
and the requirementsss i set is kinda...not to say ridiculous, but impossible??
and i thought i wouldn't get someone like that... (even my friend say so)
let's take a look at the list... (not rank from most to least)

1. caring and loving ( from people to animal)
2. can cook well(?)
3. will/can do house chores XD
4. learned/do martial arts
5. play musical instruments (preferable : guitar)
6. sings well
7. soft and tender
8. do "aegyo" (撒娇)
9. a shy guy
   
10. cute(?)
11. height of : above 169cm, below 177cm
12. not skinny! muscular or not doesn't matter, as long as meaty with broad shoulder
13. laughs and smile a lot
14. humor! (hate cool guys)
    
15. observant
    
16. a little feminine ( but i don't want sissy )
17. smart

that's all i guess???
LOL is almost impossible right??
especially for the cute, do "aegyo" and a little feminine one XD

but then it hits me...
i found a person who fitted my list perfectly!
unluckily... he is a person whom i couldn't reach for...
Lee Sungmin... yea, my idol LMAO!!!
people might thought that i only make a list according to him,
but then i made the list before i even know him...
and i'm surprised to found that my idol actually fitted all the above...
even surprising, i didn't love him that way, but still, i adore/love him as my idol...



if you wanted to know how he fitted....

1. caring and loving ( from people to animal) - he cares the other members of SuJu a lot...
   
2. can cook well(?) - he can cook!!! prove in... i forgot the show name -__-|||
   
3. will/can do house chores XD - i watched in WGM that he cleans Kangin's house !
   
4. learned/do martial arts - he has 8 level black belt for Taekwando and he do chinese martial arts, either with the long stick or nunchucks
   
5. play musical instruments (preferable : guitar) - he plays both guitar and piano and he owns about 5 guitars O___O from acoustic to electric O___O
   
6. sings well - of course he can ! and i love his voice too XD
   
7. soft and tender - yea he is, don't believe? go and watch him on shows and you will know...
   
8. do "aegyo" (撒娇) - i guess i don't need to explain for this? his title, "aegyo" prince...
   
9. a shy guy - he is XD knew that from shows...
   
10. cute(?) - do i need to explain this? he's also the cutie pie of SuJu
    
11. height of : above 169cm, below 177cm - his height, 175cm
    
12. not skinny! muscular or not doesn't matter, as long as meaty with broad shoulder - he's normal and a little chubby, right now he has muscle too...but not that visible...
    
13. laughs and smile a lot - almost in all the pics that he smiles
    
14. humor! (hate cool guys) - he can be very funny sometimes XD
    
15. observant - he watch at his members and ready to give a hand
    
16. a little feminine ( but i don't want sissy ) - yea, he is feminine XD and can be manly too!
    
17. smart - ermmm i guess he is ?? because of the shows i watched him in it...
    

the problem now...
if i look for hubby with this list, for sure i wont get one LOL!!!
out for 5 person, 5 person told me that this world wouldn't have the second person like him...
and i'm so dead now -__-|||
stick with min then...

URGH!!MY LIFE!! WRECKED!!! | am i being too naive to even believe them?? (Tuesday, 15th June 2010)

call me sensitive...
call me unreasonable...
call me anything you think that i am...
and yea, i am like what you said...
but really...
i guess there are better words to say instead of "disturb" ??? i was just trying to care....
i knew i'm not lovable...
yea...maybe i'm so childish that i can argue with you because of that little thing...
i'm so sensitive and negative that i think it in a bad way...
spare me...
PMS-ing...
and i spare you too...and i always will... no matter what you did to me...
because i love you, my dear friend ^^

---------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm so disappointed with you...
no, i'm disappointed with myself that i'm being fool again...
why am i so urgh!!! DUMB!!
i always think that you are "different" from others ...
and always think that you're special, at least, to me...
that i went to throw whatever reasons/excuses just to 'protect' you, your personality, your everything...
who knows...
you are actually too good to not tell me the truth...
you afraid that i will got hurt from your words...
but you didn't know that i'm even hurts right now because of your "GOOD"...
iit is even hurts that you fakes to me... you lied to me...
freaking liar...
you made me believed you for years that you're different from "THEM" and now only i know that you're actually the same....
i'm losing whatever right now...
trust...
confidence...
anything...
what register in my mind of you... is wrong... SO GOD DAMN IT FUCKING WRONG!

why you chose to tell at this time??
when i'm telling you my previous "case" ???
wanted to rips my heart into two so badly?? huh???
once is already enough...
and now you are adding the second one to me???
if you chose to hide the "truth" from me, then just hide it forever so that i'm happy with you...
hiding halfway and spit it out, what was that???!!

what right do you think you have that you can scold her that way??
huh??? you're just the same kind as her, aren't you???
that's why you twist your words all of sudden, didn't you??
scolding that she is a badass...but when you realize "it", you twist and tell me that she isn't badass...lol... you are so 可笑, you know?
but she's better that she wanted to keep "the truth" from me forever...and ever...
but why?? why you went to unveil it?? why do you blow her covers away??also your own???
i wont know the reason forever why the hell she revolts at me if only you didn't tell...
and i think i'm happier to know that she revolts at me all because of that 3 effing reasons but not my physical figure......
i hate you for making me hates her even more...
and i hate your for making me to hate u...

you know what...
you don't have the effing right to even stand on my side to scold others when they dislikes me...
because you are just the same...
when even you wont like me...
who else would???
you're such a bad role model...

am i really that nice to fool??
are you-all having fun playing with my feelings ???
is not the matter of you really like me or not,
but is the matter that you PLAY with my effing feelings!
you-all to be exact...
i'm not a toy, i have feelings too, i'm a human too!!
i'm used to it that people playing with my feelings doesn't mean i wont feel hurts anymore also doesn't mean that you are allow to play with it!!
screw you!

终于了解为什么你知道他是“这样”的人， 却不离开。。。
因为你和他都是同一种人。。。
不同？就只不过是他勇于说出他的“心声”，
而你不敢说出口。。。

and finally i know...
girls or guys, they're just the same...
same that they freaking care/mind about the so call fucking "GOOD FIGURE"...
but one thing i'm curious of...
why does oversize guys can be so lucky, have lovers...
while oversize girls wouldn't be as lucky as them???
is that even fair??
no...
the world never be fair...
and i know... i need to seek the "fair" out by myself...

100320 Super Show 2 Malaysia - Fancams Download Links

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Angela & Miracle
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=MYFULHDN

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Baby Baby (Sungmin's solo)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DUS2AANI

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Beginning+A Man In Love
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=EN70MKT0

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Chu~ (60% Donghae focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=WS370JKB

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Don't Don (60% Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7XYDF2Y7

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Ending
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=K8XKO9F8

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Introduction (Siwon, Kyuhyun, Sungmin, Donghae, Shindong, Leeteuk)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=X9S68ZFV

100320 SS2 Malaysia - It's You (90% Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=K9CEHBT3

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Marry U (80% Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BU6UJI14

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Our Love (Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=3YNB3XQA

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Pajama Party (Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IWA1LBNW

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Puff The Magic Dragon (Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=SP2EDM12

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Rokkugo (90% Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7SYTBBY9

100320 SS2 Malaysia - She Wants it
Download link: http://www.mediafire.com/?nzcyywnnnzm

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Shining Star (Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=NRV1GG1H

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Sorry Sorry (Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=4A3WR2GV

100320 SS2 Malaysia - Sunny (Sungmin focus)
Download link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=VYQAOVEJ

100320 SS2 Malaysia - What If (KRYS - Sungmin focus)
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=LCKMLYFO

100320 SS2 Malaysia - U (80% Sungmin focus)
http://www.mediafire.com/?uegwyzxjwmy