URGH!!MY LIFE!! WRECKED!!! | am i being too naive to even believe them?? (Tuesday, 15th June 2010)

call me sensitive...
call me unreasonable...
call me anything you think that i am...
and yea, i am like what you said...
but really...
i guess there are better words to say instead of "disturb" ??? i was just trying to care....
i knew i'm not lovable...
yea...maybe i'm so childish that i can argue with you because of that little thing...
i'm so sensitive and negative that i think it in a bad way...
spare me...
PMS-ing...
and i spare you too...and i always will... no matter what you did to me...
because i love you, my dear friend ^^

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i'm so disappointed with you...
no, i'm disappointed with myself that i'm being fool again...
why am i so urgh!!! DUMB!!
i always think that you are "different" from others ...
and always think that you're special, at least, to me...
that i went to throw whatever reasons/excuses just to 'protect' you, your personality, your everything...
who knows...
you are actually too good to not tell me the truth...
you afraid that i will got hurt from your words...
but you didn't know that i'm even hurts right now because of your "GOOD"...
iit is even hurts that you fakes to me... you lied to me...
freaking liar...
you made me believed you for years that you're different from "THEM" and now only i know that you're actually the same....
i'm losing whatever right now...
trust...
confidence...
anything...
what register in my mind of you... is wrong... SO GOD DAMN IT FUCKING WRONG!

why you chose to tell at this time??
when i'm telling you my previous "case" ???
wanted to rips my heart into two so badly?? huh???
once is already enough...
and now you are adding the second one to me???
if you chose to hide the "truth" from me, then just hide it forever so that i'm happy with you...
hiding halfway and spit it out, what was that???!!

what right do you think you have that you can scold her that way??
huh??? you're just the same kind as her, aren't you???
that's why you twist your words all of sudden, didn't you??
scolding that she is a badass...but when you realize "it", you twist and tell me that she isn't badass...lol... you are so 可笑, you know?
but she's better that she wanted to keep "the truth" from me forever...and ever...
but why?? why you went to unveil it?? why do you blow her covers away??also your own???
i wont know the reason forever why the hell she revolts at me if only you didn't tell...
and i think i'm happier to know that she revolts at me all because of that 3 effing reasons but not my physical figure......
i hate you for making me hates her even more...
and i hate your for making me to hate u...

you know what...
you don't have the effing right to even stand on my side to scold others when they dislikes me...
because you are just the same...
when even you wont like me...
who else would???
you're such a bad role model...

am i really that nice to fool??
are you-all having fun playing with my feelings ???
is not the matter of you really like me or not,
but is the matter that you PLAY with my effing feelings!
you-all to be exact...
i'm not a toy, i have feelings too, i'm a human too!!
i'm used to it that people playing with my feelings doesn't mean i wont feel hurts anymore also doesn't mean that you are allow to play with it!!
screw you!

终于了解为什么你知道他是“这样”的人， 却不离开。。。
因为你和他都是同一种人。。。
不同？就只不过是他勇于说出他的“心声”，
而你不敢说出口。。。

and finally i know...
girls or guys, they're just the same...
same that they freaking care/mind about the so call fucking "GOOD FIGURE"...
but one thing i'm curious of...
why does oversize guys can be so lucky, have lovers...
while oversize girls wouldn't be as lucky as them???
is that even fair??
no...
the world never be fair...
and i know... i need to seek the "fair" out by myself...