my year...
my 18th....
my month...
everything just sucks...
except for the super show2, everything just sucks...
i'm so blue...
so so blue....
and even blue when i got my result...
it is not what i expected it to be...
really...terrible...
what can i do?
how do you feel when your friends doesn't act like they are your friends?
should i be crying over myself that i'm so pathetic or crying over my friends that they dump me and didn't care for me?
not even a tiny bit?
this is exactly what i encountered...
i beg my Sifu to come back back on 13th March from Singapore 2 months earlier....
maybe even earlier that i do not remember...
because i know..
no, i KNEW that this would happen...
as i said before, my instinct never tell me the wrong thing....
i'm so so wrong when i think that Choi is the most reliable one...
that i counted on her a lot...
yea, she, indeed reliable when she isn't in any relationship...
but things just changed when she is in a relationship..
and how unlucky i am that she just started with one few days ago?
when my birthday is just after a day?
she gave us an acceptable answer at the first place that she need to accompany her mum...
but then...
lol....
how funny that she is that kind of spill-everything-out-before-think person...
and yea, she spilled everything out about why she is not coming to celebrate with me...
a really worse reason...
the worst ever....
if you are curious about it, i can hint you that it is absolutely about her relationship...
and she only found herself doing the wrong thing when SF scolded her...
she never be like this...
never ever...
at least, to me that she never...
she care her friends a lot...
really a lot...
at least, to me that she cares a lot...
but then she is just showing me directly that i'm wrong...
hilarious...
perhaps...
i spoilt her...
pamper her too much...
i should have return the ring to her lover.... lol...
because i found it useless on me...now...just....
for Jing???
i counted on her a lot too...
because she came to apologize to me earlier that she can't afford any gift for me anymore...
she's broke...
well, that actually doesn't matter to me...
i am happy as long as they are by my side...
so, i told her the same...
and she insisted that it is different for this year as i turn to 18th,
is my 18th birthday, so it is important...
yea...
who knows....
when i ask her anything about the celebration...
a "sweet" and simple sentence that she would answer me, for every question...
"i don't know"
"maybe?"
"i don't know"
she's the one who tell me how important the birthday is....
18th....
and she is the one who doesn't give a f**k about it...
didn't even bother even today is the last day of planning...
even brilliant answer when i ask her is she going for tomorrow...
"got influence u ?"
the best answer ever...
they just didn't know how much i love them....
they didn't know that the money, time and care that i spent on them is even more than my family....
and now they are doing these to me...
do i deserve this????
no, is "THESE" instead of "this"....
how silly i am...
at last...
the one whom i didn't care a lot (compare to the other 2 )in this recent months,
is the one who cares about the celebration the most...
i'm sorry for misunderstood you...
you might be harsh on me before...
might be scolded me for nothing...
and i'm sorry for being so unreasonable that i didn't care for you at all
and thanks a lot ...
at least you have the intention and heart for me....
and i will payback my "careless" to you by listening to you...
also, my pet sister, Mun Mun...
her words make my day...
although she couldn't come with us,
but the same, she has the heart and intention...
thanks a lot...
who else do i have ???
i don't know as well....
people celebrate with their family, their lover, their friends...
and what should i do when i do not have any of the above??
eottokhae???
maybe... super show2 is the best birthday gift for me....
let's see if it is...
i curse the organizer...
it would be good if they make it on 13th...
so that i wont be sad because of all this shit...
wont even give a damn if any of them care about me or not...
it has been quite a time since my last tear...
and yea...
i'm tearing again...
all because of this shit...
i thought i'm happy when i am not...
just because i'm not tearing doesn't mean i'm happy...
just because i'm laughing my ass off doesn't mean i'm happy...
why am i so pathetic that i have no one???
none.... really none...
not the one who likes me, nor the one whom i like...
i still remember about last year...
even though i clearly know that i'm just a tool of his...
even though it is not a true love...
even though his wish is just so fake that he can't even remember my birthday...
but then... i'm still happy that i have a person...
unlike now that i don't know where i belong to....
i've lost my soul... included my heart...
feeling-les... empty... emo...
i don't wish that they told me this was all a surprise...
because this surprise...
hurts so much...
so so much....
and used a lot of my tears....
sings my lungs out? laugh my lungs out? or cry my lungs out?
i had given no choice beside this 3....
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