a hand dat i feel like doesnt belongs to me -___-||

well...
i will update my blog after my left hand is recover...
pain like hell...
or i shud say,
im in hell... T____T
is not a common pain...
but is so unusual...
couldnt reli move my left hand...
doctor said my blood vessel (left hand) is being pressed by my muscle...
datz y i felt dat pain... T_____T

sucks feeling... reli felt like wan to die... wat again???!![ Saturday, 1st August 2009 ]

hmmmm
hoorayy...
already a week dat i didnt on my msn...
(from last friday till yesterday...)
unbelievable ...
still rmb dat im dying to cum on9 everyday...
living without communication adi...
luckily dat im still going to skool hahaha...
still talking wit my frens...
alto most of da conversation is ...meaningless one??
a.k.a at there crap crap crap and laugh like mad -___-||
moreover i kena "giap" in da middle by SF and Choi...
mostly only talk wit Choi...
got nth to talk wit SF...

yaishhh...
wat happened to us??
duno lar...
me n her is like....
cum from diff planet -___-||
formerly 同病相怜...
now?? lol... 火星撞月球...
din talk den nth...
once she start giving comments den arguments start...
reli couldnt believe dat our frenship changed tis fast...
ermmm...
not me...
is her who had changed..
im still da same...
still tis kind of behaviour,
tis kind of mindset,
tis kind of attitude hahahaha...
and of coz...
still treating her da same...
is juz dat...
hmmm...
how to tell??
smth pulled her from me...
far apart...
which is "her world"...
her world which full of "loves"...
n obviously...
me??
失去了用意...
im no longer... going to her house every Sat...
no longer her lao gong...
and oso wont heard her calling me lao gong (unless she wan me to help her do smth -__-||| )
human....
human-nature...
and i believe...
ppl are always realistic...
y not me???
i got kick out from their world...

recently is like...
im being much more closer wit Jing compare wit others...
hmmm...
mayb is bcoz she knew my things more than they do??
hahahaha...

but still diff lar...
all of them still carrying 幸福的味道....
dun tell me u r not...(u all)
and tell me all of u having tis and dat prob wit ur lover...
bocz dat is absolutely better than me...
if there is a choice,
i would like to be frustrated bcoz of my lover,
than being frustrated for nth and for no one...
look at me...
did u see my soul??
i didnt...
my soul is not wit me...
i had lost myself...

last nite...
actually juz wanna secretly ...
ermm not reli secretly lar...
is juz wanna sign in for a fast fast while to c if there is any off9 msg anot...
ermmmm...
surprise...
none...
bwahahahaha -___-||
ok, experiment once again shows dat even i didnt on for years oso no one will bother...

Pei Yoong added me at msn... (a.k.a, Pei Yee's eldest sis)
da time when i accepted her, 2am+++
she haven sleep yet...
and saw my pm on msn...
asked me wat happened to me...
hahahahaha...
of coz im not going to tell...
even pei yee i still didnt tell leh -___-||


actually juz wanna go off9 like tis...
but...
saw someone is there...
wit on9 status...
so i still...
couldnt bear....

planed to type a msg den straight away go off9...
guess dat u couldnt catch me...
or bother me...
who knows -__-||
while im "shift+enter-ing"...
i accidentally send out my msg...
aishhhh...
fail fail fail...
and i haven finish talking leh...
den faster type another long one -___-||
type till half u replied...
lol...
at first it sounds so...
so...
touching??
but juz a sentence,
and u "killed" me again...
lol...
im reli ...
naive??
till d end,
u still behaving like tis to me...
still treating me cruelly...
u're totally blind...
"did u tell her anything"...
wit tis sentence...
i was like...
wat the hell???!!!
wat did i told her???
and oso wat can i tell her???
r u out of ur mind???!!
huh???!!
wat da heck is wrong wit u???
even i denied and u still continue to do wat u like to do as always,
which is forcing me to admit...
"be honest...wat did u tell her???"
and im totally blank...
i wish i reli told her smth than being slander by u like tis...
is not da first time adi...
n im reli totally disappointed wit u...
how many times did u slandered me??
after slandered me and forced me to admit it??
for her sake??
so dat ur lover would be a perfect person??
n im a person who r black-hearted, mean and bad???
doing all these??
lol...
and im being da scapegoat for all da time...
tis time...
which time is tis??
10th???
100 mayb....
how many times did u slandered me and forced me to admit to save her face, save her name???
i dun reli rmb...
i juz know dat da thing i hate ppl do on me da most,
is slander me...
u can insult me, scold me, hit me,
but not to slander me...
n u r doing dat to me...again and again...
n bcoz of u,
i nid to admit it reluctantly...
doing things dat i hate da most, dislike da most...
slandered me dat i slandered her, slandered dat i use another acc on hs5, slandered dat i do tis and dat...
and forced me to admit after dat...
all...
all is related wit dat fella...
lol ...reli funny....

i wondering y i cum on9...
i wondering y i cum and talked to u...
which made me get pain again...
im reli reli reli so regret...
and b4 i leave,
wat u tell me??
"lol u will still cum and find me after some times"...
so confident of u...
我恨不得自杀当鬼缠着你！ 不会让你好过！

no wonder she would leave u...
bcoz u treated me and her like shit,
datz y u get these...
juz a person is already can let u to be in pain for quite some times...
2 person somemore??
datz ur retribution...
no point for me to chant for u...
no wonder is not effective for so long time dat i chanted for u...
bcoz Gohonzon tinks dat u r not worth to get da prayers from me at all...
lol...
慢慢啦蛤...

continue to be emo...and...hope u can reli move on... [ Wednesday, 29th July 2009 ]

not feeling well for da whole day...
dizzy~~ and headache...
+ emo... bwahahahhahaa
haizzz...
planned to study on today (b4 test)...
bcoz there is lots of times b4 da test...
who knows -___-||
read a lot...
but couldnt rmb even a word..
giv up den...
haizzzz...
mayb is bcoz i didnt sleep enuff??
caused dizziness...

got scold by Jing...
ermmm not reli scold lar...
is like...nag??mayb... > <
nag me bout da pillow...
and some of da topics...
-___-||
wats wrong lar???
is already da past...
ermmmmm alto sometimes i will flash bak lar ...
but still...
is da past....

hmmmm...
is already da sixth days dat i didnt on my msn... (included today)
as i tink...
there is no point for me to on my msn...
wasting time and speeds...
made me more emo only -___-|||
but hor...
im afraid dat my sifu is waiting for me to reply her off9 msg leh...
cham lor...
sorry lar sifu T______T
actualy...
im juz...
trying to run away from da fact ...
hahahahahaha dun wish to face it -___-|||
haizzz wake up lar...
even u din on for weeks, months, even years....
no one would care anymore...
formerly...
there is still a person who care...
but not anymore...
im no longer being welcome...
no longer being 重视 by others...

u seem to hav a person for u to move on adi??
congratz...
jane??or brenda?? i tink is jane...
even made a video for her and uploaded on youtube...
for tis 1 year, 10 months and 17 days....
ermmmm nid to take out da 3 months...
so is 1 year, 7 months and 17 days....
for so long time i've been knowing u...
no...
been wit u....
u never make me even a simple video...
my bday for da 2 years,
u've forgotten...
i dun mind...
but not even a belated present dat im receiving from u....
wat am i ??
even played songs for them...
for so long dat i requested from u....
do u play a song for me???
not reli...
is juz u r playing and i recorded it by myself...
so manual hahahahaha...
but still...i rmb d other things dat u made for me...
da 3 pics....
songs u sang and said dat were dedicate to me???
i duno if is reli dedicate to me or juz saying...
but i tink dat fella is more pitiful -___-||
din get even a pic if im not mistaken??
i duno too...
mayb she get it but not satisfied wit wat she had??
hmmmmmmm....
anyway...
im still glad to know dat u could move on...
at least wont be like me...
i mean...
wont feel wat im feeling rite now....
dun worry, be happy...

tink bout dat...
reminds me bout da pillow...
even a normal fren...
still made dat for me...
no...
is giv me dat...
not reli make it bcoz of me...
but at least i still get smth...

juz a normal fren who dun even luv me...
could treat me tis nice...
unlike u...
always said dat u luv me so much and so on...
though u always emphasize da luv is in fren's way...
but u juz never do like what they do... (they = normal frens who dun luv me as much as u do...)

special msg to Jing :
ok..
im started to be confuse when i reach tis part -___-||
yea lar i know im 矛盾 lar -___-||
ignore me lar...
aishhh im like dat one mar...
u oso know de lor... > <


and dat berkelakuan ganjil one (my bro) came bak and again continue torturing my com > <
and oso now turned to be him who addicted in chatting -___-||
he hor...waliao...
on my com for hoursss didnt off... (9 hours on yesterday continuously )
sam tong dao me~~~
and kept chatting there -____-|||
aishhhh...

emo...
emoooooo....
weeeeeee...
emo while surrounded by a group of happiness -___-||
ok again emphasize...
dat happiness obviously is not referring to me and im not included...

Gohonzon...
what should i do in order to live a happy life???
chanting for 9A's???
is that what i want???
im not happy at all...
even get 9A's...
also wont be happy...
moreover.... not happy.... emo like this... how to get 9A's???
would You help me up???

이성민...
Oppa....
do you really existed in my world??
or is just a fantasy again???
is doesn't matter...
just let me rely on you...
or else i really got no one to think of already...

shitty shitty life of mine... [ Tuesday, 28th July 2009 ]

on these days juz like dat lor...
still crazy over Min...
bcoz besides saving photos and watching videos of him,
i tink i got nth to do adi...

wat had i become??
useless...
shitty life...

memories kept going around my mind...
juz memories dat i hav...
dat is juz wat they left for me...
smiling alone for sometimes...
but still being emo after im wake...

yesterday had a reli weird dream -___-||
i was taking nap...
and i dreamt dat da fella called me,
told me dat they make up and being together again...
i didnt giv any respond there (in my dream)
juz "ohhh...i c...congratz"
den she again doing wat she do as always,
teased me...
" i know u r jealous rite?" -___-||
"im not"
"i know u r...dun lie...but hahahaha u wont get it...foreva..."
and den i kept denying and she kept "playing" me...
-____-|||
wat the hell...
even in da dream still behaving da same to me -___-||
100 years oso never change...

hmmmm still dat words...
"ppl around me" seem to be reli 幸福...
and again...tis ...
"unlike me..."
emo~~~~

juz now (nite) got scolded by papa -___-||
bcoz i forgot to bring my pencil case to skool and ask them to bring it for me...
aishhhhh...
den papa scolded :" wats ur prob??wats wrong wit u??har??? not forgetting da bread den forgetting ur pencil case...ur bro ar, he never wan us to bring anything to skool for him b4...u know y??"
"aishhh...how would i know??"
"use ur brain to tink lar...is bcoz he never bring foods to skool " and den he laughed...
my bro laughed along -____-||
ok...
im not da exception too... > <
so "fei" de lar...
den when he was scolding me,
im bzy saving Min's photos again...
and he scolded "see lar...always look at da man in white...see until forget to bring tis and dat...right???"
i fight bak " wat lar!! he is guy not man ok?? and b4 knowing him i already hav tis kind of habbit, which is forget to bring my tupperware (bread) ..."
dadi "i dun tink so...i tink u started to become like tis more frequent after looking at dat guy "
-____-||||
aishhh speechless...
mayb is true hahahahaha...
see Min until lost my soul -___-||
other fans even more exaggerated...
case like suffocated, heart attacks, couldnt breathe well happened on them -___-||
anyway, is juz da comment they wrote,
n they r still alive for sure...
hahahaha like to membesar-besarkan -____-|||

今天。。。
不是。。。
是从拜一开始就带小青青去学校。。。
因为考试，
要睡觉。。。
今天有事故发生。。。
那个死菜 -____-||
趁我不注意的时候就把我的小青青给藏住。。。
害我紧张到要死。。。
真是的。。。
当我发现到不见的时候，
问 Pei Yee 有没有拿，
他就在那边笑，
还以为他拿了 -___-|||
就一直叫他拿出来。。。
他又继续笑 -___-||
后来考试开始的时候，
菜在他书包拿出来。。。
然后对着我笑。。。 -__-||
“等下你就死。。。”
害我考完要用手睡 -___-|||
他就很舒服的睡枕头。。。
睡醒过后还说不好睡，
我给他炸到 -___-|||

四处都是“幸福的味道“,但我不被包括在内。。。 [ Friday, 24th July 2009 ]

early in da morning....
sitting at my place...
den already surrounded by those “幸福的味道“ ...
lol...
E e E e E e...
well, not trying to tell my name -___-||
but having such feelings...
envy...
emo....
haizzzz...
argued wit SF....
-___-||
no point of argue-ing...
she is like dat...
but didnt wan to admit...
apa lah > <
unreasonable...
and dat Jing -___-||
tot we fight,
den kept pressing my hand -___-|||
dun let me to fight bak > <
aishhhhh...
hahahaha cute lar Jing,
afraid dat we will 伤感情...
but reli beh tahan -___-||
dat “幸福的味道“ reli very “重”... -____-||

bout midnite...
our first time -___-||
i mean dat tiger duno sot plak or wat > <
suddenly ask me free or not,
wan "keng gai" wor...
den talk craps talk liao 40 mins++++ > <

lol...hurtful...bond which actually dun belongs to us?? [ Thursday, 23rd July 2009 ]

and finally u leave me off9 msg...
waited ur reply for a few days...
never giv me even a blank msg...
but once u reply,
ur words are reli lol...
how cruel....
juz bcoz of dat fella,
and u treat me like tis???
thanks a lot for doing dat to me...
back stab u???
lol...
ok, i admit dat i do...
n sorry for denying at da first place...
bcoz i cant reli rmb wat i said in my blog...
but i dun call dat as back stab though...
y it is??
im juz expressing my anger and sadness over here...
cant i??
moreover i tink dat wat i said sounds true too...
(i duno if it is true anot, datz y i said "sounds true" ... )
and my words...
were probably...
contrast...
wit wat im actually tinking...
i know i lied to myself...
even lied to them dat i could move on...
n now...
see??
wat am i rite now???
clearly shown dat i couldnt...
is juz a lie....
lied myself, lied anyone...
but y not u???
y am i being so true wit u for everytime???
is bcoz of da promise dat i made??
i dun tink so...
is bcoz...
lets figure it out by urself...

is reli so painful while reading ur words...
y must be dat fella??
y...
y da bond between us...
is more like belongs to dat fella n not me???
im reli...
speechless....
totally speechless...

haizz...miserable life?? lost...regret...kit teung mak mak... [ Tuesday, 21st July 2009 ]

sei lor...
july test coming...
after dat den SPM trial liao...
but still continue 混 at skool -___-||
walau cham lor...
study lehhhh~~ (knock wall wit head)
haizzz...
cham lor...
my life -____-|||
not meaningless...
but super meaningless...
still looking for my aim...
still wondering y am i alive...
y am i living???
and wat am i living for???

recently not dat hunger for luv...
moreover there r "such thing" happened on me -___-||
totally disappoint me...
numb is not enuff???but wan my heart to be dead??
lol...
BoA made my days after i lost my precious "one and only"+"3 in 1"...
now Sung Min's turn hahahahaha...

urghhh...
wat u scolded me is reli so true dat im gonna eat myself and dream of my idol for my whole life...
hahahahahaha....
so wat??cant i??
since there is no one for me to concern of...
and at least i found da only reason...
still better than living for nth ...
right???

hmmm...
Choi seems to be very happy...
and oso very sweet wit her lao gong hahahaha...
aiyoooo for sure lar...
even da stomach pain like hell but after see him den immediately recovered -___-||
exaggerated...
reli lar...
-___-||
from wat i observed, it is like tis > <
hahahaha luv is always da best&effective medicine....
still better than doctor hahahaha... XD

how wish i could hav an effective medicine too : (
i still rmb very well dat i fell sick for a reli long time after dat day...
med expired??
doctor ran away???
hahahaha wondering too...
my med is not only my med...
my doctor is not only being a doctor...
but at da same time taking lots of roles too...
miss??
certainly...i do...reli...
but i uds dat...
time couldnt turn bak...
and da same as da bond between us too...
it might be my fault??
and yea...
definitely, it is...
mianhae...
kor tod na, tee rak....
alto u wont get to c my blog,foreva...
but tis is da words which hiding deep inside my heart, mind...
hahahaha im always like dat wat...
always type smth which i wanted to tell over here though u wont get to know...
hehehehe tis is wat we call, unique...
or strange??hahahahaha...
crazy instead... > <

another day has gone
i'm still all alone
how could this be
you're not here with me
you never said goodbye
someone tell me why
did you have to go
and leave my world so cold

everyday i sit and ask myself
how did love slip away
something whispers in my ear and says

that you are not alone
for i am here with you
though you're far away
i am here to stay
but you are not alone
for i am here with you
though we're far apart
you're always in my heart
but you are not alone

today again Sejarah teacher 搞针对...
-____-|||
waliaooo my eyes small jek,
den slandered me say i sleep...
-___-|||
wat the....
y must u call only me har??
everytime...
aishhhh...
wats related wit da rain???
cant find any excuse of calling me out??
and even can take rain as ur excuse??
bravo~~!!!
obviously...搞针对...
针对 me den tell lar...
i know i failed my sej...
and many of them failed too...
but y must be only me???
i wouldnt blame or complain anything if u r being fair...
bcoz i know dat is my fault...
totally speechless...
fine...
anything will do...
since tis is not da first time adi...
习惯就好...

these reli suits me a lot...
(designed and drew by Jing)

犯贱の快乐

MIS3RabL3 Lif3

WTH???!! totally pissed off!!!

wat the hell...
who do u tink u r ???!!
huh???!!
other ppl might hav dat right to judge me but not u!!
u duno me at all and oso u r not anyone of mine,
not even a normal fren u r...
u r reli thicked skin...
and oso THANKS FOR INSULTING ME!

wats wrong wit my behaviour??!!
judged my behaviours juz bcoz of dat???!!
or i shud say u judged me by nth !!!
and juz bcoz of dat u cum and 重伤 me???!!
i bet dat u felt fun to scold me and saying those words to me...
n indirectly u r telling dat u r such person too...
reli lol...
never c tis kind of person b4...
reli pissed off...
and for da following~~~
secret~~
tis kind of "fishy" things not nice to share hahahahaha...
keep it better...

TMD到他们阿...做么我这样可怜??还有他们真的是有够自私+TMD的 -__-|| [ Thursday, 16th July 2009 ]

ahem...
因为不想给那些马来人看道/知道，
所以我只好写话语了。。。 -___-||
今天他们真的很过分 （那些拿 ERT 的马来人。。。)
等下。。。
我那三个英文之母会不会很明显？？ -__-||
等下他们叫人帮他们翻译我马惨？
用代号好了。。。
就叫“医阿替”。。。
认识我的人大概都知道我不是拿“加数学”的，
是拿医阿替 （跟那十一个“粉肠”+两个“黑鬼”一起）
今天我知道在十一点四十五分我们得去礼堂因为有讲座。。。
可是他们就很理所当然的在下课之后下去，
哪里知道还没开始，
他们就趁机跷课，
跑去 “煮饭房”那里，（我们平时上课的地方）
怎知道那边没开，
我就很高兴因为可以回班粘着我的朋友。。。
哪里知道那些自私鬼，
不想上课，
叫我在那边游荡，
不给我回班。。。 （因为如果我回班的话就是在暗示老师他们跷课）
有购 TMD 自私的。。。
我一个人站在那边站了很久，
又闷，
又没有东西做，
我又没带功课下来。。。
超不爽。。。
他们当然爽啦，
不用上课，
又有人陪他们在那边聊天+玩。。。
简直没有顾我的感受。。。
自私到他们啊。。。。
可怜到我啊。。。
生气？又能怎样？
又不能出声。。。
毕竟里面只有我一个华人，
不想以后每当医阿替节的时候被针对。。。
真苦。。。
我够想上班咯。。。
不过我可以吗？？ 哎。。。
这种就叫做有家归不得。。。
不是。。。
是有班归不得，
还要站在那里站这样久，
真是有够可怜的。。。
那口气，
憋到很辛苦，
真的很想狠狠地大骂他们一顿。。。
我的天啊。。。
为什么我会跟这样的一班人一起上课 T____T
真的很痛苦。。。
跟他们没有话讲，
只能“载”听+笑，
没份讲。。。
还要给他们欺负。。。
唉。。。。。
唉。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
阿！！！！！！！！！！！！
我快疯了！！！