T___T

waliaooo
muscles pain dao T___T
i reli using dat yoko-yoko almost everyday adi larrrr
da arm haven finish being pain,
den start for da leg and da feet...
so torturing T_____T
pain everywhere..
shoulder, arm and legs...
wan die....

today dat Choi din come skool again...
so fast den start ponteng liao..
no eye c...
so easy fall sick de...
duno real or wat...-__-||

today first time wear my warden cafeteria de uniform...
wakakkakaka..
so damn hot -___-||
swt dao duno like wat...
but wakakakakkaa...
-___-||
duno y...
ppl kept complimenting...
like never c b4 like dat...
but actually...
they reli never c b4 i wear dat uniform hahahahahaha
aiyooo compliment until...
i shy liao lar -____-|||
except for my besties -__-||

went to mamak eat wit Jing and SF lor...
den kept talking bout ghost hahahahahha -__-||
scary lar...
wit dat kind of environment...
dark sky...da wind is blowing hardly...> <
scary sia~~
den so cham...
took nap for awhile only T___T
not even enuff half an hour...
den hav to wake up go to prepare for tuition...
tuition??
more geng...
dat SF called me...
tell me dat Choi last minute only tell her she is not going....
so she is not going too...
tell me she is tired...-___-||
got choi den not tired lar...
no choi den tell me she is tired...-__-||
oiiiiii~~~
so geng....
made me so lonely there...
kave, dash, sf, yk all din go...
den their paper allllll i keep for them...
Zzzzzzzzz -___-||
fine fine fine~~~~~~
said like im not human...
tomoro den wait let me sut....HUH!!!
-___-|| i know i dun bear to sut them lar...
somemore tomoro wake up sure forget adi...
sigh...
sad....
luckily still got ppl acc me thru sms-ing me...
if not i reli wan jump off from da building -___-||

den came bak on9...
oiiii~~~~
darling's dp so sweet ar???
-___-|| but sweet got ass use ar...
at there...
so bzy...-___-|||
kept asking her wat she is bzying wit...
den she keep changing subject by answering my question...
suak dun wan tell i dun wan ask lor....
msg reli so delay...
somemore kept slander say dat i wont overnite in my living room...
told her dat i will den i will lar...
im not jean lar...
keep breaking promsie dat kind...
tink me as jean adi -__-||
dun wanna believe me adi...
reli is like dat wat...
if u say yes, i wont dare to say no lar...
juz dat my dad dun allow me wat...
if he din stop me i wont stop myself oso lar...
haizzzz....

oiiiii~~~
noi jai arrr~~~~
T_______T

hehehe ^^ sweet+pain

is 3.47AM right now...
guess wat im doing so lately??
hahahahaha...
im acc-ing my darling lu....
she fall asleep adi....
since 3.07 AM...
acc her for 40 minutes adi...
and im sitting here watching her while she is sleeping...
and oso listening to da FM channel dat she is listening to...
kept singing alone and shaking here hahahaha...
she looks reli adorable...
can watch for minutes without moving my sight to other thing and smile there :)
is sweet...
screen shotted...
wanna c???
wait next life XD
is mineeee~~~
funny sleeping style...
she is sleeping on her mum -__-|||
pity of her mum...
juz watching her while she is sleeping is already enuff...
already satisfy and happy ^^
felt like im doing smth for her...
is my pleasure dat i can do so....
lol haven finish type my blog...
den they changed sleeping style adi..
shocked me...
reli cute lar both her mum and her XD

hmmmmm...
if not her...
i might crying alone on my bed again...
but my tears ran out...
bcoz of her too....
wat do u do when d only person who can make u stop crying is da person who made u cry???
she acc me...watching me while im crying....comforting me...
duno y...automatically...i'll smile when i saw her on cam...
no matter wat condition im in...
den shud hav show me earlier lar -__-||
made me cry till headache...aishhh...
happy happy ... ^^
she made my day...
luv her so much ^^
muackssssss ^3^ luv my darling....

"if u luv smth...let it go...
if it cum bak to u... its urs...
if it doesnt...den it never was"

i dun wan to be greedy....
4 others, i might be stupid silly...
but for me..i tink im doing da right thing...
im regret??so wat??is useless bcoz we canot return to da past anymore...
u felt guilty??dun feel dat...bcoz is not ur fault at all...
im juz asking u wat i already knew...a.k.a..craps...
telling u all those...is already too late...
but still...juz wan u to know....
and treasure it....
mayb God wan us to be in tis way...
mayb being like tis is da best for us...
bcoz...
frens are foreva...
and is tally wit wat i wan...
which is everlasting...
dun worry...
no matter wat...
i'll never forget bout u...
i'll never change da way how i treat u...
no one could replace u...
u r my one and only...
i might change da way how i tink of u in da future...
but i would still luv u as i promise...
and i would never decrease my luv for u...
thx anyway...
i've learned smth from u...

"hav a nice slumber...dun wake up if da time haven reach 12pm....sleep without worrying anything...i will keep u safe while u r sleeping there...i wont leave u if i could stay more...."

here comes the end???

lol...
haven even reach a month -___-||
worse....
reli worse...
alto u kept denying...
but i knew it comes to the end adi ...
anyway...
i already prepared my mind for tis earlier ago...
i knew there wont be anyone who will like me lar...
even like oso high fever...
after dat will still wake up from da dream...
im da one who wake from dream..
and they r da one who recover from being sick...
how u behave wit me...
is not like formerly anymore...
i knew...
i knew...
i asked u last nite...
u didnt tell me da truth...
u chose to hide...
mayb bcoz u dun wanna hurt me?
but do u tink im dat stupid???
i still hav self-knowledge...
everything is diff...
da way u reply me and all...
formerly...u find me by urself...
now....
a week i din find u...
and u dun nid to find me too...
when i asked u y...
u tell me ur mobile got rampas by ur mum...
and everything...
start from dat day dat u din sms me once u woke up..
i already knew...
luckily...
reli lucky dat i din tell out...
if not i reli will be so disgrace...
so shame...
reli insecure....
im smart enuff though...
luckily i didnt put all my feelings on u...
if not i will be so ...in pain...
hot time juz lasted for a few days...
and after dat...
im being dump...
wat am i??
a tool to "solve ur problem" ????
izzit??
am i???
agree anot??
still going to deny if i ask u 4 da second time???
dun torture urself to reply me...
juz cut me off if u reli hav no feeling towards me anymore...
from da starting until ending...
u does not hav feelings towards me though...
and im so clear dat...
like me bcoz u nid me...
and is not nid me bcoz u like me...
feeling blue??
not hurt...
juz sad...
y???
ppl who knew me well...
they will know...
y am i so sad...

Saturday, 10th January 2009

today wake super early...
went for da ekonomi's replacement...
having lots of fun there...
teacher elaine is da best ^^ XD
dat choi duno wat happen..
suddenly wanna take photo wit me -__-||
"close" one -__-||
sure is wanna use those photo to made da one she likes jealous ....
=.=
how nice of her -__-||

came bak home...
saw my darling still on???
O____O so early???
impossible...
den she told me dat she din sleep for da whole nite...
helping jean to tink da solution...
sam tong oo...
c my darling din sleep for da whole nite...
so i told her dat...i will settle for jean...
ask her to go to sleep...
and i reli did it > <
ok...
i know im so stupid to do so...
but duno y -__-||
is a nature feeling??
is not like...
aishhh duno how to tell lar...
juz felt like...
dun care lar...
juz help...since is smth urgent...and important...
which may affect her future...
tis time still being so "xiao qi" at there angry ppl meh??-___-||
dun wan help oso help liao so many times lor...
help mai tis time oso not a big deal lor...
as long as they happy ahahahaha -___-||
den after dat i chase her go to sleep...
me pulak at there watch+observe lor...
cute de lar ^^

den argue wit Jing bcoz of sf's thing again...
Zzzzz sien de lar -__-||
after dat i talk to her on phone..
hahahahah helping her to "wash brain" XD
ask her watch videos pulak XD

after dat talk wit ah jie on mic lor...
hahahaha still miss her voice so much...
sweet lor her voice...XD
den i keep pulling da time XD
dun wanna start play guitar -__-||
den i play wrongly she laugh at me pulak...
so meannn > <

den my cousin sis duno y suddenly wanna stay at my house...
somemore sleep on my bed...
somemore snatch my com -__-||
made me so boring nth to do...
den mar call yi xia my lao po lor
she so happy lor...
wit her lao po hahahahaha
-___-|| me so emo here -___-||

gosh -__-|||

so tired today...
laugh until very tired -__-||
dat teacher...
damnnnnnnnnnn funny...
even juz looking her when she talking oso felt funny -__-||
like dat teacher so much hahahhahahaa
made me spit water pulak....
laugh until stomach burst....
dun even let us rest for sometimes...
-___-|||
behind da two malay guys more 38....
kept talking crap...
datz y we cant rest...
here teacher stop talking there they made us laugh again...
aishhhhhhhhhhh

haizzz......wat....tis feeling again...

last nite chat wit my darling...
but...
chat = din chat...
suan le bah...
ppl bzy wit jean -__-||
not free choi me...
dat person...
bet wit RM1000000 dat .... wont reply me....
and reli when i came home...
so quiet of my mobile....

candy rain...
hmmmmm bad quality wakakakkaa
duno is tudou's prob or da director's prob...-__-||
obviously...is da director's prob hahahahaha
so tak berkualiti...

finally today Jing came to skool...
again laugh till da stomach burst...
such a funny day...
not reli day..is skooling day -__-||
when reach home i will be like dead corpse again...

at nite...
like normal lor...
talk to my lao po on phone....
since boh lang on9 at msn....
haizzzzz sad lorrrr
ppl so bzy sms lehhh
my mobile so quiet there...
never rang -___-||
got rang lor...koko call...ask me how to restore system...
-________-|||
haizzzz...
somemore so syok lor got "somebody" harrr...
at there an shuang...
got ppl gao bai wit her..
shuang lor -__-||
me??
ke lian lor....
16 years oso never "an shuang" b4 -__-||
tink dao oso chan kui...
haizz now de feeling...
one word describe..."down"
still tinking there r someone stil in my gang de...
who knows now left only me lor...
haizzz...
lonely~~i am so lonely~~~i had no body~~for my own~~~~lonely~~~
do u tink is my prob??
i do tink wat Tsu told me is right...
datz mean is my prob...
yea is my prob...
bcoz i still haven unlock my heart 4 "myself"...
but is dat da main prob??
i dun tink so...
bcoz "OTHER" oso haven unlock wat....
den y is my prob??
i will automatically unlock when i found da one who is worth for...
now??
juz left me...
who standing on da same spot...
never move even one step from da actual spot...
waiting for someone who will never cum bak to my arms...
is tis loyalty???
or stupidity????
is dat my fault???
is tis wat God wish to??
i tink there r a reason behind ....
there must be a reason on y God made me suffer like tis...
i believe YOU....
there must be a return~~
im looking forward to it...

> <

1AM++++++

aiyooo
wanna die -___-||
slept for few hours only T______T
kept talking wit my lao po on phone until 1am+++++ XD
aiyooooo pity her -__-||
bear until tears oso keep flowing out...
but still wanna acc me ....
haizzz how nice of my lao po...
sek sek muackssssss...
thx for comforting me oo lao po....
if not i duno looks like wat again...
she is reli a gud counselor -__-||
gud until...
made me miss my darling so much...
aishhhh so duno is gud or bad....
missing her happily is a nite....
tinking how bad it is and being moody is oso a nite...
y dun i tink in a positive way???
hmmmmm....XD
is juz like wat she said to me too...
hmmmmmmm but tis is settled...
when im laying on my bed...
i start tinking bout another...
aishhh juz sleep lar...
tink so much...

SKOOLING
so sad...
today our Jing absent again.....
sick until rainbow color adi -__-|||
miss my Jing oso XD
so many ppl for me to miss -__-||
aiyooo list is full adi lar...
dun add more XD
den keep being sleepy in da class T___T
goshhh i wan sleeppppppppp
having fun while moral class -__-||
is all bout da pantang larang...
and we shudnt do smth sinful...
lol such as do not exaggerate da actual thing, do not curse, do not say smth which will hurt ppl's feeling, do not lie and many more...
and i kept being hit by both Pei Yee and Choi -__-||
bcoz in da class i keep playing wit my words...
said smth exaggerated and all XD
laughing non stop....
help my stomach...
so painnnn LOL!!!
is not funny to read thru here...
but is funny when u c how we acted in da skool today XD
hav lots of fun...
unluckily our Jing is not here T_____T
if not would be more happy XD

da first thing i do after i reach home...
call to Jing's house and kacau her wakakkakaka
even im having my lunch...
yi bian eat yi bian talk to her...
until so rou ma -__-||
she beh tahan me den wan hang da call T___T wu wu wu
ppl reli so miss u marrrrr...
y u like dat jekkkk...
den straight away fall on da bed like dead corpse after having my lunch...
and hav a longggggggggggggggggg nap XD
wow...
shuang~~~ XD
after dat den do my hw and notes lor...
i very guai liao de larrr hahahahahha
-___-||
dun wan to be 吊儿郎当 anymore....
must be hardworking for tis year...
i dun wan to be regret for second time wit da same thing...my result....
no more no more...
no more being regret but start studying hard and pay attention while teacher is teaching...
but...
did i??
-__-|| i was like juz playing around when im in da class...XD
try to change try to change!!!
wakakakka i will...
gambatehhhhhhhh

bak to skool!!

gosh...
juz wake up den sleepy like hell...
didnt sleep well on last nite...
well....
HOW TO SLEEP WELL???!!
couldnt....
is hard....
keep rolling and wriggling on my bed for hours only asleep....
but not totally asleep...
hmmmm Jing is absent for today...
her sis say she is sick...
haizz...
da whole day at skool so "bzy"
walking around...
carrying tis and dat...
like "gu lei" -___-|||
hmmmm still fine lar...
den took a nap.... not reli long...but not too short...
went tuition-ing...
worse...
duno wat am i tinking...
so blank....
wat da hell is wrong wit me???
is it reli 心病还需心药医????
haiz....
haizzz anything lar...
im so...
crazy adi...
lost myself...
duno where can i find bak...
when only i can.....


" " ???...
even worse...
i felt like on these days is reli only im da one who start sms...
juz told....dat i felt insecure...and again....is like dat.....
after dat bidding day.........turn to become like tis...
i wondering y too....
fall asleep and woke on d other day...
saw last nite msg...
but din reply me.....
until i sms and ask.....
only talk bout it....
so today...tried to not start....
c if i will receive any msg anot....
hahahahahha who knows...
is already 10.10 PM now and i got nth...
am i so....
没有存在感??
until forgotten me???
wow...
how nice...
.........still can forget me.......
gud.....
dat day still tink ....... da only reliable one....
when im down still will acc me.......
who knows....
last nite fall asleep...
is ok den...
y am i so unlucky huh??
-___-|||
here fall asleep there got live show watch...
am i still important 4 u??
do i hav a place in ur heart??
or even mind...
or u juz tink of me when u nid me???
is it like dat???
is it like wat i tink???
or i tink too much???
will u explain???
i would like to hear ur explanation....
i dun wish to misuds u without knowing anything bout u....
if i dun ask u will not tell rite???
but...
i dun tink my instinct will tell me da wrong thing...
i dun tink my sixth sense will be wrong...
i wait u to find me first den...
if i keep being active...
lol afraid dat u will tink im annoying....
so do i still nid ur answer???
to cut myself off???
well...
i do hav self-knowledge....

empty??feeling-less??y??

broken heart...
again???
well...
i felt bored wit tis too...
everyday is like dat...
everytime is like dat...
or is bcoz of my own problem???
i tink is bcoz of my stupidity...
bcoz i tink it wont happen again hahahahahhaha
SO FUNNY!!
and they did smth more passionate from last nite for me to watch...
wow nicest live show ever...
even my dad still stand beside me and watch together huh???
well i do tink dat is my prob....
obviously...
yea...
is bcoz of wat???
is bcoz of my stupidity again...
i do trust her...
datz y it leads me lots of prob....
i rejected her video calls for many times...
bcoz tomoro is my skooling day..
i dun wan dat to affect my mood....
but after dat....
lol...
u know is like lying me and get me to da highest floor...
and den i was so happy to be in dat floor...so high....
and after awhile juz kick me down from da highest floor to the hell...
torture my heart....
is bcoz of my greediness ???
bcoz i wanted to c....
yea...
but is not my fault???
i dun tink so???
wanted to c bcoz i miss it....
is dat reli my fault??
my prob??huh??!!
juz missing u....
datz y i wanna c...
datz all...
and after dat u break my heart like dat???
fun???
do u felt reli happy to c my heart breaks bcoz of u??
r u??
u shud know how i feel???
or mayb u duno???
bcoz non of us did smth like dat to u b4???
how fortunate r u????
how lucky r u???
huh????
u like it so much???
izzit???
y u gave me "trustfulness" and hopes????
is like....
my heart is already stabbed by ur knife....
on d other day...
u acted like u wanna save me...
went and pull out da knife...
half way pulling...
suddenly u stab in bak HARDLY into da same wound!!!
it is 10 times hurter than if u straight away stab and leave my wound there to recover by myself!!!!
im so regret dat i easily "went up"
so regret....
which turns me becomes like tis???!!!
bleeding...
my heart bleeds non stop...
bcoz da wound never recover...
u never mend it...
is ok....
but u added more pain on it....


haiz...
again...
and i guess da right thing...
she reli went there hahahahaha
luckily i din waste credit on sms her -___-||
haiz...
live show again???
wat i tell others for dat??
"LOL!! got live show watch again "
but actually is "LOL gonna stab my heart wit a knife again..."
enuff empty...
still add another ...
empty+hurt=feeling-less....
foreva u wont uds tis feeling...
y???
lol bcoz u r not me...
and u can simply tell me "ignore it"
"juz tink is advertisement"
L O L!!!!!!!
funny...
too funny...
y all of u must leave me at tis time???!!!
my bao bei went for her dear in hs5...
wa eh dear duno die to where -____-|||
my honey bzy watching anime...dun wanna bother her....
my lao po...aiyaaa dun wan bother her oso..she enuff sad jor....
mun mun bzy wit her darling nia -___-||
haizzzzzz
juz now all still chatting wit me..
and i still felt very well...
now???
wat????
reli....
feeling-less...
my heart....
is bleeding non stop...
da wound...
never recover....
is an endless pain??
pain until...
i duno wat to say...........
haiz.....