haizzz......wat....tis feeling again...

last nite chat wit my darling...
but...
chat = din chat...
suan le bah...
ppl bzy wit jean -__-||
not free choi me...
dat person...
bet wit RM1000000 dat .... wont reply me....
and reli when i came home...
so quiet of my mobile....

candy rain...
hmmmmm bad quality wakakakkaa
duno is tudou's prob or da director's prob...-__-||
obviously...is da director's prob hahahahaha
so tak berkualiti...

finally today Jing came to skool...
again laugh till da stomach burst...
such a funny day...
not reli day..is skooling day -__-||
when reach home i will be like dead corpse again...

at nite...
like normal lor...
talk to my lao po on phone....
since boh lang on9 at msn....
haizzzzz sad lorrrr
ppl so bzy sms lehhh
my mobile so quiet there...
never rang -___-||
got rang lor...koko call...ask me how to restore system...
-________-|||
haizzzz...
somemore so syok lor got "somebody" harrr...
at there an shuang...
got ppl gao bai wit her..
shuang lor -__-||
me??
ke lian lor....
16 years oso never "an shuang" b4 -__-||
tink dao oso chan kui...
haizz now de feeling...
one word describe..."down"
still tinking there r someone stil in my gang de...
who knows now left only me lor...
haizzz...
lonely~~i am so lonely~~~i had no body~~for my own~~~~lonely~~~
do u tink is my prob??
i do tink wat Tsu told me is right...
datz mean is my prob...
yea is my prob...
bcoz i still haven unlock my heart 4 "myself"...
but is dat da main prob??
i dun tink so...
bcoz "OTHER" oso haven unlock wat....
den y is my prob??
i will automatically unlock when i found da one who is worth for...
now??
juz left me...
who standing on da same spot...
never move even one step from da actual spot...
waiting for someone who will never cum bak to my arms...
is tis loyalty???
or stupidity????
is dat my fault???
is tis wat God wish to??
i tink there r a reason behind ....
there must be a reason on y God made me suffer like tis...
i believe YOU....
there must be a return~~
im looking forward to it...

> <

1AM++++++

aiyooo
wanna die -___-||
slept for few hours only T______T
kept talking wit my lao po on phone until 1am+++++ XD
aiyooooo pity her -__-||
bear until tears oso keep flowing out...
but still wanna acc me ....
haizzz how nice of my lao po...
sek sek muackssssss...
thx for comforting me oo lao po....
if not i duno looks like wat again...
she is reli a gud counselor -__-||
gud until...
made me miss my darling so much...
aishhhh so duno is gud or bad....
missing her happily is a nite....
tinking how bad it is and being moody is oso a nite...
y dun i tink in a positive way???
hmmmmm....XD
is juz like wat she said to me too...
hmmmmmmm but tis is settled...
when im laying on my bed...
i start tinking bout another...
aishhh juz sleep lar...
tink so much...

SKOOLING
so sad...
today our Jing absent again.....
sick until rainbow color adi -__-|||
miss my Jing oso XD
so many ppl for me to miss -__-||
aiyooo list is full adi lar...
dun add more XD
den keep being sleepy in da class T___T
goshhh i wan sleeppppppppp
having fun while moral class -__-||
is all bout da pantang larang...
and we shudnt do smth sinful...
lol such as do not exaggerate da actual thing, do not curse, do not say smth which will hurt ppl's feeling, do not lie and many more...
and i kept being hit by both Pei Yee and Choi -__-||
bcoz in da class i keep playing wit my words...
said smth exaggerated and all XD
laughing non stop....
help my stomach...
so painnnn LOL!!!
is not funny to read thru here...
but is funny when u c how we acted in da skool today XD
hav lots of fun...
unluckily our Jing is not here T_____T
if not would be more happy XD

da first thing i do after i reach home...
call to Jing's house and kacau her wakakkakaka
even im having my lunch...
yi bian eat yi bian talk to her...
until so rou ma -__-||
she beh tahan me den wan hang da call T___T wu wu wu
ppl reli so miss u marrrrr...
y u like dat jekkkk...
den straight away fall on da bed like dead corpse after having my lunch...
and hav a longggggggggggggggggg nap XD
wow...
shuang~~~ XD
after dat den do my hw and notes lor...
i very guai liao de larrr hahahahahha
-___-||
dun wan to be 吊儿郎当 anymore....
must be hardworking for tis year...
i dun wan to be regret for second time wit da same thing...my result....
no more no more...
no more being regret but start studying hard and pay attention while teacher is teaching...
but...
did i??
-__-|| i was like juz playing around when im in da class...XD
try to change try to change!!!
wakakakka i will...
gambatehhhhhhhh

bak to skool!!

gosh...
juz wake up den sleepy like hell...
didnt sleep well on last nite...
well....
HOW TO SLEEP WELL???!!
couldnt....
is hard....
keep rolling and wriggling on my bed for hours only asleep....
but not totally asleep...
hmmmm Jing is absent for today...
her sis say she is sick...
haizz...
da whole day at skool so "bzy"
walking around...
carrying tis and dat...
like "gu lei" -___-|||
hmmmm still fine lar...
den took a nap.... not reli long...but not too short...
went tuition-ing...
worse...
duno wat am i tinking...
so blank....
wat da hell is wrong wit me???
is it reli 心病还需心药医????
haiz....
haizzz anything lar...
im so...
crazy adi...
lost myself...
duno where can i find bak...
when only i can.....


" " ???...
even worse...
i felt like on these days is reli only im da one who start sms...
juz told....dat i felt insecure...and again....is like dat.....
after dat bidding day.........turn to become like tis...
i wondering y too....
fall asleep and woke on d other day...
saw last nite msg...
but din reply me.....
until i sms and ask.....
only talk bout it....
so today...tried to not start....
c if i will receive any msg anot....
hahahahahha who knows...
is already 10.10 PM now and i got nth...
am i so....
没有存在感??
until forgotten me???
wow...
how nice...
.........still can forget me.......
gud.....
dat day still tink ....... da only reliable one....
when im down still will acc me.......
who knows....
last nite fall asleep...
is ok den...
y am i so unlucky huh??
-___-|||
here fall asleep there got live show watch...
am i still important 4 u??
do i hav a place in ur heart??
or even mind...
or u juz tink of me when u nid me???
is it like dat???
is it like wat i tink???
or i tink too much???
will u explain???
i would like to hear ur explanation....
i dun wish to misuds u without knowing anything bout u....
if i dun ask u will not tell rite???
but...
i dun tink my instinct will tell me da wrong thing...
i dun tink my sixth sense will be wrong...
i wait u to find me first den...
if i keep being active...
lol afraid dat u will tink im annoying....
so do i still nid ur answer???
to cut myself off???
well...
i do hav self-knowledge....

empty??feeling-less??y??

broken heart...
again???
well...
i felt bored wit tis too...
everyday is like dat...
everytime is like dat...
or is bcoz of my own problem???
i tink is bcoz of my stupidity...
bcoz i tink it wont happen again hahahahahhaha
SO FUNNY!!
and they did smth more passionate from last nite for me to watch...
wow nicest live show ever...
even my dad still stand beside me and watch together huh???
well i do tink dat is my prob....
obviously...
yea...
is bcoz of wat???
is bcoz of my stupidity again...
i do trust her...
datz y it leads me lots of prob....
i rejected her video calls for many times...
bcoz tomoro is my skooling day..
i dun wan dat to affect my mood....
but after dat....
lol...
u know is like lying me and get me to da highest floor...
and den i was so happy to be in dat floor...so high....
and after awhile juz kick me down from da highest floor to the hell...
torture my heart....
is bcoz of my greediness ???
bcoz i wanted to c....
yea...
but is not my fault???
i dun tink so???
wanted to c bcoz i miss it....
is dat reli my fault??
my prob??huh??!!
juz missing u....
datz y i wanna c...
datz all...
and after dat u break my heart like dat???
fun???
do u felt reli happy to c my heart breaks bcoz of u??
r u??
u shud know how i feel???
or mayb u duno???
bcoz non of us did smth like dat to u b4???
how fortunate r u????
how lucky r u???
huh????
u like it so much???
izzit???
y u gave me "trustfulness" and hopes????
is like....
my heart is already stabbed by ur knife....
on d other day...
u acted like u wanna save me...
went and pull out da knife...
half way pulling...
suddenly u stab in bak HARDLY into da same wound!!!
it is 10 times hurter than if u straight away stab and leave my wound there to recover by myself!!!!
im so regret dat i easily "went up"
so regret....
which turns me becomes like tis???!!!
bleeding...
my heart bleeds non stop...
bcoz da wound never recover...
u never mend it...
is ok....
but u added more pain on it....


haiz...
again...
and i guess da right thing...
she reli went there hahahahaha
luckily i din waste credit on sms her -___-||
haiz...
live show again???
wat i tell others for dat??
"LOL!! got live show watch again "
but actually is "LOL gonna stab my heart wit a knife again..."
enuff empty...
still add another ...
empty+hurt=feeling-less....
foreva u wont uds tis feeling...
y???
lol bcoz u r not me...
and u can simply tell me "ignore it"
"juz tink is advertisement"
L O L!!!!!!!
funny...
too funny...
y all of u must leave me at tis time???!!!
my bao bei went for her dear in hs5...
wa eh dear duno die to where -____-|||
my honey bzy watching anime...dun wanna bother her....
my lao po...aiyaaa dun wan bother her oso..she enuff sad jor....
mun mun bzy wit her darling nia -___-||
haizzzzzz
juz now all still chatting wit me..
and i still felt very well...
now???
wat????
reli....
feeling-less...
my heart....
is bleeding non stop...
da wound...
never recover....
is an endless pain??
pain until...
i duno wat to say...........
haiz.....

Wednesday 31st December 2008

12AM+++

aiyooooooo
beh tahan -__-||
keep reboot until..
until i got so many chance to watch transporter 3...
hahahahhaa...
my leng zai Jason Statham...XD
he so yenggggg...XD
aiyoooo den after dat -__-||
my darling sot again...
Zzzzzzzzz
but i tink i more sot lor...
aiya nvm both oso sot de...
keep laughing there duno laugh wat -__-||
got so shy meh??hahahahahaha
but reli shy marrrrr **shy shy**
chat nicely at first...
chat dao half zhong fo jor....
she ....... again......
AISHHHHHHHHHHHHH
reli mad....
go off9....
after dat still couldnt bear -__-||
on9 sut gao her hahahhahaha
na li zhi dao sut sut xia bcome explaining there liao -___-|||
bian tai...
dun let ppl sleep....
keep asking those fei hua...
haizzzz boh huat...
she sot sot dei, dun wish to believe me hahahaha
-________-|||
most chi gek de thing dat she told me is..
she said she wont play hs5 anymore...
ask me dissolve guild pulak...
za dao -__-||
i got contribution quotient at there adi...
ask me dissolve guild -__-||
luckily i am so smart wakakkaka
juz RM10 dat i used on guy char -__-||
i guess dat would happen...
but reli very za dao...
boh huat lor....
darling mar...
say wat i oso hav to follow de lor -__-|||
if i dun follow she "lao gai" lor...
complain me say me tis and dat lagi -___-|||
after dat she oso fall asleep hahahhaa
luckily she got "liang xin" -__-||
know to wake up hahahahha
if not i will wait like mental gal again -__-|||
after dat talk to Jing on phone lor...
hahahah talk dao i so high...
aiyaa sampat de lar me -__-|||


9AM+++

aiyoooo...
so late sleep 7 early 8 early hav to wake up le haizzzz
-__-|||
went to Neway wit Choi...
hahaha first time go hang kai kai wit her one on one...
juz go out 1 on 1 wit lao po more...XD
but dat 3 hours..
sing dao wan die hahahhahaha
bcoz 2 person only -__-|||
all our songs...
no time to eat oso hahahahaha
den dat sei Choi -__-||
cute de lar her...
i order pasta mar...
den she said she dun wan eat de but i force he to order too...
later din eat again...
den hor she eating her thing de...
den her forks suddenly reach to my plate liao hahahahaha -__-||
den she said "ooo c yi xia tasty anot"
den i mar din care lor kept choosing song...
den after awhile i turn my head O___O
she sitting at my place,
eating my pasta liao...
za daoooooooooooooooo -___-||
tis Choi reli so naughty...
after dat somemore tell me "ur pasta reli tasty"
-__-|||
den finish my food...
her own food juz eat a few spoon...
-__-||
den i hav to help her to eat some of da french fried,
dun waste...
anyway foods in Neway is reli alot better than Redbox...
choices oso quite alot in Neway XD
prefer Neway...
but everytime when i go Neway da food sure canot finish -__-||
too many...
next time bring tupperware go da bao hahahahhahaha
den very cham de lar Neway...
hahahaha da remote control let me press dao boh battery...
den da mic let me sing dao boh battery oso...
hahahahahhaha
fun fun~~~~
everytime i go cheong K sure da mic let me cheong till boh batter de wor -__-||
duno y must be mine hahahahha
den we keep singing Karen Mok's "ai si ni" -__-||
qian qian hou hou,
sang for 5 times...
siao one hahahahha
i RAP dao so shuang at there...
den keep changing...
1st: i RAP she sing
2nd: she RAP i sing
den keep me and her like tis > <
den dat gal -__-||
say wan cut hair but din cut dao...
keep buying shirt...
until she bankrupt jor -__-||

7 early 8 early woke up adi...
-__-||
my neighbour's fault...
arghhhhhh....
renovate wat lar -____-|||
7 early 8 early at there drill tis drill dat...
ping ping pang pang...
ppl dun nid to sleep or wat???
u know is between 7 - 8 AM...
CRAZY!!!
-____-|||
den Choi came my house...
told her bout da monorail case for yesterday when on the way going bak home from KL...
hmmmmm ...
i had my seat...
but my mum standing beside me,
so i stood up and lend my seat to my mum...
and at da same time my mum spotted an old granny standing there...
so she decided to giv da place to da old granny...
im fine wit it ^^
is happy to c my mum is so kind...XD
hmmm while waiting for da monorail train to reach our platform...
i noticed dat da granny kept looking at other place...
so i look where she look and is another family...which is chinese too...
so i guess dat mayb is tis granny's family and i was reli disappointed wit their attitudes...
2 of their kids were having their seat....
while the mother of the kids sitting too...
only the dad standing....
and i was reli mad at them...
dun they feel ashame of themselves??
huh??!!!
NEVER RESPECT THE OLDER PERSON!!
u shud reli go bak and look into da mirror...
and go to check if ur heart is still pumping ???
if u dun wanna take care of ur mother/mother-in-law,
den pls dun bring her out...
and dump her there like tis....
wat a shame...
dun u felt disgrace??
dat u nid a stranger to lend da seat for ur mother/mother in law???!!!
HELLO???!!!
IS UR MOTHER OR MY MOTHER???!!
WHY I FELT LIKE WE TREATING HER IS BETTER THAN U TREATING HER???!!!
MOREOVER WE DUN EVEN KNOW HER!!!
JUZ A HAND DAT WE LEND TO HER!!
WAT IF SHE FALL INSIDE DA MONORAIL???!!!
DA MOTHER OF THE KIDS SHUD JUZ GO AND BANG DA WALL!!
BCOZ U R SITTING!!DA PROBLEM IS U R SITTING!!!
IS OK IF U LET DA KIDS SIT BUT Y R U SITTING TOO???!!!
R U A HANDICAP???!!! OR U ALREADY PARALYZED????
HOW CRUEL OF U LETTING UR OWN MOTHER/MOTHER IN LAW WHO OLDER THAN U ALOT TO STAND THERE???!!!
OMG!!
THEY R SO F**KING BULLSHIT!!!
reli mad...
mad of them...
Choi oso angry even she didnt watch da real case wit her own eyes....
they shud felt ashame on themselves....
i was bout to walk to them and slap both of them....
juz dat i not sure if they r da old granny's family....
after came out from da monorail train only know wat i guess is right....
god shud sentence tis kind of unfilial child...
ok end tis session,
if not da fire gonna burst out from my eyes -__-|||
and i will be blind LOL!!!
-__-||

hmmmmmm.....
nth special for today....
but after jog became narcissistic LOL!!!!
keep taking pic there -__-||
aishhhhhhh...
den when my dad came bak...
**yawn**
duno which vein of his goes wrong...
cum bak and tell me dat he will fetch me go out tomoro...
last nite den scold me like hell..
today den tell me he will fetch me...
reli duno wat he tinking...
everytime oso like dat...
after scolding me den transform to bcome another tender personality -__-||
i got no eye to c him lol...

ZZzzzzzzzzzzz

went to KL today...
aiiii...
so tired....
walk until wan die -__-|||
cum bak den headache...XD
-___-|||

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
at nite kena diu by my dad again...
reli beh tahan..
tis time din ask him fetch but still kena diu...
-_____-|||
koko wan go bak at 1st...
den i mar fast fast wan go cheong K b4 he go bak lar...
so my koko can fetch me...
den i wont kena scold mar -__-||
keep saying dat i wanna go celebrate new year eve...
sorry lor...
not at all lor...
if i go at 1st January mar ppl mountain ppl sea???
holiday wor????!!!
dat one more worse leh????!!!
den mar choose 31st lor...
30th Choi nid to work mar...
waliao...
keep diu me non stop there...
sumore ask me ask until so loud y must i choose 31st...
i asked "den which date i shud choose???"
den he said "any date"
any date mar kena diu lor...
wats da difference??
oso nid to diu by u ...
if not bcoz of u i wont choose dat date lor...
scare kena diu mar...
mar hav to choose da date when my koko is here...
reli TMD ...

27th(night) - 28th December 2008 (2AM++)

went to lao po house play electric guitar...
weeeeee long time din play liao...
miss it XD
today duno wat happen...
like...
very boh mood -__-|||
den go play hs5 my keep complain me lol...
i oso duno y i keep miss da keys -__-|||
dreaming there...lol
she say i stim stim -__-||
talk to me but i din reply...
when i reply i reply other thing...
hahahahahhaha
complain say i not concentrate > <
aikssss i oso duno y ....

lol...
kena seduce by da videossss -___-|||
omg...
reli so long dat i din watch adi hahahaha
watch again today...at bout 12+++AM
reli nice time to watch these hahahaha...
dun care me -__-||
endorphine exploded again lol
watch dao blur blur + high high dei XD
den at there luan jiang hua -__-||
Jing almost let me gek sei hahahahha
fun fun fun XD
den keep watching until sot jor -__-||
but...
reli nice to watch mar...
luv to hear them gasp XD
after watching den at there "hu si luan xiang" liao -__-||
sei for...> <
xiang oso xiang wit da right person mar -__-|||
reli...
boh sak ke liao -__-||
sei lorrrrr i mou yok gao jorrrr hahahahhahaha
-___-|| start to bcome abnormal liao lol....
aiyaaaa anything...
duno da whole nite zomok de XD

haizzz juz right b4 going to bed -__-||
my excitation kena ruined by her...
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
no eye c...
reli no eye c...
terus tell her i wan sleep bcoz i very sleepy....
hahahahahha
da next day wat??swollen eyes lor...
ppl wan bring tis high high dei geh mood go to bed oso canot...
duno wat the hell is wrong wit them...
must make dao i very down only happy izzit???
LOL!!! bian tai....
so nan de tonite i so excited...
like dat oso dun let me keep it...-___-|||
sad sia T____T
let me ha-ha-py-py go sleep u will die meh???!!!
i know u very syok...
TMD....
u wait...U WAIT!!
today i read a mail talking bout "da thing u did to others will comes bak to u"
wait lar u...
dun so "dak chek"....
reli TMD.....
at there so shuang...hmmph!!!
c lar...u c....ur retribution is coming....
dun cry there find me when it comes i tell u....

爱 (credit : somewhere from d internet)

人们常说。。。
被爱是幸福的，
而去爱是痛苦的。。。
其实并不时他们所想的那样。。。
被一个你不爱的人爱你，
你会觉得幸福吗？？
你也不会感到开心。。。
去爱一个你爱的人，
永远都是幸福的。。。
就算他不爱你，
但你还是觉得幸福因为可以为你爱的人付出。。。
傻？？
对别人而言，他们是傻瓜。。。
但对他们而言，
可以为自己所爱的付出，
是一件多么幸福的事。。。
可是被“傻瓜”所爱的人，
却不懂得珍惜，
也不想去信任他们。。。
等到有那一天，
被爱的被他们所爱的抛弃，
这时，他们才会想起爱他们的那个“傻瓜”。。。
这世界就是这样。。。
人，全都是这样。。。

We make them cry who care for us...
We cry for those who never care for us...
And we care for those who never cry for us...

很奇妙？？
但这是事实。。。

不求回报的为你付出，
被你说我做作，很假。。。
因为你觉得这是不可能发生在你身上的。。。
所以你宁愿选择不信任我，
也不要去相信那是事实。。。
为了讨到你的信任，
我什么都去做。。。
却被你说我一次又一次的伤害你。。。
因为你觉得我对你所说的，
对你的承诺，
全都是假的。。。
尽量去满足你的需求，
有时你说我对你太好，
有时你为了他，
说我很没良心。。。
何来的没良心？？
如果我真的是那么没良心，
我就不会忍着痛的把你交给他，
之后还要忍着痛的看着你们相亲相爱。。。
痛苦并不是把你交给他，
因为我知道我做的这一个决定是对的，
为什么？因为我知道我不能给你的，他都能。。。
而却那时我也知道，你们是彼此喜欢的。。。
我不可以因为我自己而不帮他把你给劝回来。。。
不想变得自私，为了你的幸福，我把你 indirectly 交了给他。。。
也成全了你们。。。
痛苦的是，
为了不让你伤心，
我被迫留下来，
被迫看着你们怎样过日子，
却不能告诉任何人我对你的爱有多深。。。
你也无心伤害我。。。
因为你并不知道我有多么的爱你。。。
曾经想过想要离开你，但我却做不到。。。
曾经想过要狠心的对待你们俩，却也做不到。。。
才知道原来我是那么的无能。。。
因为我知道在你心里我有一定的位置。。。
如果我离开你，你会很伤心。。。
试着想把你给忘了，我做不到。。。
试着想去爱别人，但心里还藏有你的影子。。。
很痛苦，很痛心，每晚都哭不停。。。
直到有一天，
我终于忍不住，
把事情的真相全都告诉了你。。。
一开始，你很惊讶，也很害羞。。。
过了一会儿，
你恢复正常，告诉我你其实并没有被吓倒因为你也曾经喜欢过我。。。
那又如何？
你现在已属于他了。。。
你骂我。。。
为什么不早点告诉你。。。
那是因为我害怕会失去你，
我想保持像以前一样，
和你有说有笑。。。
因为太爱你，
所以不想失去你，
想永远的把你留在我身旁。。。
后来。。。
这也变成过去。。。
我们并没有像以前那样的“真实”了。。
没有像以前那样甜蜜。。。
有一天我问你为什么我们会变得这样？
你说是因为我的谎话。。。
我的虚言。。。
让你和我一样也一起带上了面具。。。
其实从以前到现在，
我对你都还一样，从未变过。。。
你和他虽然每天都在吵架。。。
可是我看得出来，你真的好爱他。。。
无论发生了什么事情，无论他对你做了什么错事。。。
你都会歉疚他。。。
依然那么爱他。。。
有时你会跑来告诉我你怎样坏的对待他。。。
其实一切都只是表面。。。。。
你只想讽刺。。。
愚蠢的我还把我们的回忆记在心里，
然而你，和别人都已记不起来。。。
痴情的我依然还是爱着你，
从不变心。。。
你却把我的爱当着是笑话。。。
值得吗？
没办法。。。
我就是只爱你一个。。。
你是我人身中第一个所爱的人，
也是我人身中的最后一个。。。
我再也找不到这“爱“的感觉了。。。
流血的心灵就这样一直跟随着我。。。
我永远就只爱你一个。。。
只有你。。。
就只有你。。。
我真的无法在别人身上找到“爱”了。。。
无论我多努力的去尝试，去逼迫自己。。。
对我来说你是世界上最好的，最完美的一个，独一无二，天下无双。。。
无论别人再怎样优秀，长得再怎样好看，声音再怎样甜美，性格再怎样的好。。。
对我来说，他们全都比不上你。。。
因为。。。
我爱你。。。
爱到可以为你做任何事，
我可以为了你死。。。
但。。。
你相信吗？？
很遗憾。。。
你把我对你说过的那番话给当成笑话。。。
我这世人就只爱你一个。。。
别的我都不要。。。
得不到你，
我宁可不爱。。。

我给的爱。。。从不回来。。。